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The Top 10 Worst Albums That Went Platinum

by dsussman   February 11, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 14,108


5. Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water - Limp Bizkit


Source: Vaughn Youtz/Getty Images

A lot of people are aware of how bad of a band Limp Bizkit was in their heyday, but most people tend to forget how popular/successful they actually became on paper.

After hitting it big on MTV with numerous singles off of the multi-platinum Significant Other LP, Fred Durst and his Jacksonville homeboys somehow put together the even more monumental epic fail Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. The album’s classic rap-rock douche anthems for their frat boy demographic helped shoot the LP to the top of the charts in no time, with a staggering 12 million copies sold worldwide. Tracks like "My Way” and "Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)" could not be avoided in the early 2000s, and it’s seriously unbelievable to think that a band this bad was able to conquer the music world in such asinine fashion.


4. Autobiography - Ashlee Simpson


Source: Lester Cohen/Getty Images

There’s really not much I need to say about Ashlee to convince people that she's a lip-syncing hack who never should've been allowed to put out an album to begin with. Saying that this girl has no talent is one of the biggest understatements in human history and trying to compute how her freshman LP sold five million copies back in 2004 is utterly impossible. Even her second release "I Am Me" sold over 3 million copies. How can parents let their kids buy albums with titles like "I Am Me"?! Unreal.

After her now-legendary botched SNL performance, Simpson attempted to redeem herself by doing a legit live version of the autobiography track "La La" at the halftime show for the Orange Bowl in Miami, Florida. This was not a very good idea and basically gave proof to the world that her vocal chops were never in attendance. Too bad she was a millionaire by then.


3. Joey Lawrence - Joey Lawrence


Source: Ron Galella, Ltd./Getty Images

With Color Me Badd-inspired bubblegum pop tunes like "Nothin' My Love Can't Fix," Blossom lady-killer Joey Lawrence was able to hit it big with his 1993 self-titled album and sell over two million copies worldwide. This, of course, had nothing to do with talent or groundbreaking material. The success of this record was purely fueled by Joey’s hunky good looks and the mindless devotion of pre-prepubescent girls with nothing better to do. Whoa, indeed.


2. Who Let the Dogs Out - Baha Men


Source: MATT CAMPBELL/Getty Images

These fools keep popping up on numerous lists that I’ve written, but their lack of talent and perplexing rise to fame made them an obvious target in a number of music’s "worst of" categories. The album Who Let the Dogs Out is the group's only best-selling release and has moved more than 1.7 million copies to date. WTF?! How does this even happen? I can’t believe that there are real bands/musicians out there getting no airplay while assclowns like this get major label record deals and tour the world over. Not. Cool. 

And if you thought that “Who Let the Dogs?” was bad, imagine what the rest of the songs on the record sound like.  

1. Some Gave All - Billy Ray Cyrus


Source: VINCE BUCCI/Getty Images

Not only did Billy Ray unleash his devil incarnate daughter Miley on the pop world in recent years, he pretty much ruined 1992 with the best-selling record of the year and easily the most successful epic fail the music world has ever laid eyes on.

The insane popularity of Billy’s country crossover hit "Achy Breaky Heart" carried his soulful opus Some Gave All to more than 20 million records sold and even helped it to become the best selling debut album of all time for a solo male artist. I wish I could come up with some clever Bill Hicks-like joke to describe my vile contempt for Cyrus and his mullet-filled music, but I really can’t. All I can say is that it’s albums like this that have helped destroy popular music over the past two decades. Also, the next time we see a record like Some Gave All gaining steam on the charts, we should immediately deport anyone seen buying a copy. Seriously.


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