The Top Ten Sports Blunders of 2009 | SPIKE

There were a lot of positive stories in 2009. The Yankees gave their fans one less thing to whine about, Tim Tebow proved that annoyingly nice guys sometimes finish first, and Kobe Bryant showed other accused rapists that dreams really do come true. However, even though everyone loves reminiscing about triumphs, nobody can forget horrific mistakes. Much like a car accident involving 17 clowns, two Swedish refugees and Bob Saget - nobody can turn away.

Source: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images Sport Getty Images

10. Charles Barkley Combines Donuts, Wine Coolers, Steve Urkel, Blowjobs, and a DUI into one Magical Night

Source: Smokinggun.com

Former NBA legend and suspected porn enthusiast Charles Barkley kicked off 2009 with a bang in Scottsdale, Arizona – a town known for dry heat and an eclectic mix of retirement communities. According to various reports, after a night of partying with Jaleel White, or as the people who refuse to cast him anymore prefer to call him, Steve Urkel, Barkley got into his automobile a tad on the wasted side and began his trek home. Sounds harmless, enough, right?

Unfortunately for the current TNT broadcaster he was pulled over by the cops after running through a stop sign in the middle of a busy street. The reason? After his female passenger left the car, Barkley was trying to chase after her, explaining to the cop that he was “gonna drive around the corner and get a blowjob” noting that “she had given him a 'blowjob' one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life, " the policeman explained in one of the greatest NBA-related police reports of the year.

After asking Barkley to exit the car, said officer found a collection of empty wine coolers and bear claw donuts littered on the floor, furthering his reputation as “the Rock Star of his Jenny Craig meetings.” Barkley would later spend a day in an Arizona prison for his deed, where he was ruled too fat to play in a prison yard pick-up game.

9. Instead of Giving a Christmas Bonus, Louisville Coach Rick Pitino Decides to Sleep with His Assistant’s Wife

Source: Andy Lyons/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Nobody has ever accused Rick Pitino (who looks like he mugged and/or raped Colonel Sanders at a local KFC drive-thru) of being the epitome of class. Especially not the Louisville Cardinals' equipment manager, whose wife accused Pitino of raping her in the back of a restaurant that may or may not have been an Applebee’s. As in most cases where a multi-millionaire head basketball coach is accused of sexually assaulting his assistant’s loved ones shortly after “Half-Priced Potsticker Tuesday,” there are two sides to the story.

Pitino, who preaches good morals to the basketball players he’s been accused of illegally recruiting, told both the media and his family that the entire situation was blown way out of proportion. The coach explained that while he was cheating on his wife with a good friend’s spouse, it was entirely consensual. Hell, he even told ESPN.com that he offered to pay $3,000 for the abortion after he got her pregnant. Quite frankly, it’s amazing that he hasn’t been asked to teach an ethics class or have a small statue erected in his honor.

8. A-Rod Teaches Kids a Valuable Lesson By Winning the World Series Months After Getting Caught For Steroids

Source: Moises DePenia/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Despite his complete lack of sportsmanship, delightful blonde highlights, and the three separate centaur-themed paintings of himself that hang in the Rodriguez Fortress of Solitude, everybody tolerated the future home run king of baseball for the sheer fact that he wasn't injecting needles into his rear end to get a competitive advantage. Derek Jeter, maybe – but not steroids.

That is of course until earlier this year when the folks at Sports Illustrated scooped Cat Fancy magazine for a story about how Rodriguez failed a 2003 drug test. Following the report, the former AL MVP admitted to the sporting world that much like every single other player not named John Olerud, he used performance enhancing drugs to improve his game. During a touching interview with Peter Gammons (ESPN’s answer to Diane Sawyer), Rodriguez told the children watching that sometimes when he’s counting money with his celebrity girlfriend he feels bad about cheating and that nobody should take “that path.” Eight months later he hammered home his point by winning the World Series. He really helped show that even though steroids may make you rich, famous, and successful there’s no real benefit to taking them. So take your vitamins, stay in school, and one day you could be the head of accounts receivable at a mid-sized insurance firm in Ohio.


7. Michael Phelps Gets High on Life, and then Marijuana

Source: AFP/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Shortly after making Americans care about a sport whose ratings usually fall somewhere between Australian midget hunting and a Willem Dafoe comedy special, Olympic Hero Michael Phelps decided to partake in an activity that millions of American’s (and my Uzbekistani grandmother) do on a daily basis. That’s right, he smoked the chronic.

While nobody is going to judge a guy who collects world records like normal people accrue baseball cards or restraining orders, it might have been a smart idea to do so in the privacy of his own home (or at least with a hooker who’s willing to sign a confidentiality agreement in a Vegas hotel room). Instead, the Olympic golden boy did it at a frat party in South Carolina where he was photographed by a young man who clearly didn’t understand how important the 400 meter backstroke is to this country’s military defense program.

Once the photo surfaced, Phelps was suspended for three months by whoever governs international swimming these days (because the biggest punishment you can throw at a pothead is giving him four months to talk about what the moon would be like if it was made of cheese) and forced him to miss the very important “Not the Olympics” swim meet later that month.

6. Marian Hossa Finds a Way to Become the World’s Most Selfish Loser

Source: Jim McIsaac/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

During the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals (which were huge in Western Canada and rural sections of Latvia), occasional NHL superstar Marian Hossa watched his boyhood dream of sipping the sweet nectars of Lord Stanley slip away as his Pittsburgh Penguins lost to the Detroit Red Wings in the championship round.

Being the upstanding gentleman and dedicated teammate that he is, Hossa waited 29 whole days afterwards before telling the Penguins to go screw themselves when he signed a one year deal with the Detroit Red Wings – you know, in order to have a better chance at becoming a champion. The joke, however, was on Hossa as the Red Wings and Penguins would meet in the Stanley Cup finals exactly one year later, only this time with a different result. Thanks to a revamped roster that spent months washing the Slovakian stench of Hossa and failure off of it, the Penguins defeated the Red Wings. Hossa did not take a lot of pride in his second straight “runner-up ribbon” and switched teams yet again in July.