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The Top 10 Most Unlikely Movie Badasses

by TheJeffKelly   January 08, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 5,882

5. Eric Cartman (South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut)


Source: South Park Studios

Back before he was protecting the streets of South Park as The Coon, Cartman was fighting off a resurrected Saddam Hussein with some weird electric powers brought about by cursing and crazy anime background effects.  One of the simultaneously greatest and most despicable characters in television history, Cartman is not exactly the type of guy you'd expect to become a bonafide superhero and destroyer of evil, which is exactly what he winds up being at the end of Bigger, Longer and Uncut.  Who would have thought the fate of the world would lie in the hands of a foul-mouthed eight-year-old fatass?


4. The Frog Brothers (The Lost Boys)


Source: Warner Bros.

First of all, to answer the question we know you're about to ask: no, being Corey Feldman doesn't automatically make you a badass.  But Feldman and his equally goofy counterpart Jamison Newlander (yes, we had to look it up) find themselves at the heart of one of the most awesome vampire movies ever made, kicking undead bloodsucking ass every step of the way.  And seriously, when Feldman is arguably the tougher of the two brothers, you know you're facing an uphill battle.  Of course legend also says that standing up to vampire Jack Bauer makes your balls grow 10 sizes and turn to iron, so they've got that going for them, too.


3. Shaun Riley (Shaun of the Dead)


Source: StudioCanal

One of the primary reasons we love Shaun Riley is the fact that he's like so many of us.  He's nearing 30, he's a slacker, he's stuck in a job with no future that he doesn't really care about, and his girlfriend is telling him to grow up and stop playing video games and drinking so much with his fat slob of a best friend.  Oh, and then he gets attacked by zombies.  Only unlike us, when the shit hits the fan Shaun hits back with vinyl records and a cricket bat, and by the end of the movie he's bloodied and looking like some awesome combination of Rambo and Chris Walken from the end of Deer Hunter, one of the few survivors of a zombie apocalypse that wiped out most of London.  And then he turns right back into a lazy bum who does nothing but watch TV and drink beer.  Again, the similarities between us and Shaun are just scary.


2. Hit Girl (Kick-Ass)


Source: Lionsgate

Okay, so maybe we're cheating a little bit by including a character from an as yet unreleased movie.  However, all you need to do is watch the red band trailer for the upcoming film Kick-Ass (which also casts McLovin as a vigilante superhero) and you'll immediately find yourself deathly terrified of a 14-year-old girl for the first time since eighth grade, this time in the person of Hit Girl, a badass little chick with a fouler mouth than a Tarantino movie who sheds twice as much blood.  And this probably marks the first time in history when yes, it's okay to back out of a fight with a prepubescent girl because you crapped your pants in fear.


1. Carl Fredricksen (Up)


Source: Pixar

Maybe the only thing worse than getting your ass kicked by a little girl?  Getting worked over by an old man.  And in the case of Carl Fredricksen we're talking about an elderly man who stands approximately four feet tall and needs a cane to shamble along in his last few years on earth.  But there he is at the end of Up, fighting off talking dogs and dueling with a world-renowned explorer (who, we admit, had to have been about 112 years old based on what we can gather from the movie).  It's not like he's a former marine or anything, either.  No, the dude is a retired balloon salesman.

Of course, he does have that old man strength going for him, and that s*** is deadly.

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