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The Top Seven Artists About To Expire

by dsussman   April 17, 2009 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 432

Artists come and go, but it’s truly hard to tell who is gonna stick around and who will actually stand the test of time. There are so many big acts out there that think they’re going to stay on top forever, but we’re here to burst that big ole blubbery bubble with a very sharp spike.

7. Lady Gaga


Source: Chris Gordon/Getty Images

Any person that feeds off of attention as bad as Gaga does will eventually spiral out of control and cease to be significant in the music game.

Even though Gaga is on top of the charts as we speak, the growing hatred for her online and elsewhere is a force not to be ignored. Even if you like her music, you can’t deny that everything she does is a tad over-the-top and all for the love of attention. Gaga is also not as talented as her fans make her out to be. I understand this pop art revival, but these cheesy white chicks really need to stop trying to be Grace Jones. My crystal ball is showing me that Gaga (a.k.a. Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta) will lose it all by the end of the year. And for a 23-year-old chick, mama looks like she’s 45. That just won’t cut it in the pop world.

6. Madonna


Source: John Shearer/Getty Images

With ridiculous ticket prices to her overrated live shows and underwhelming album releases, Madonna’s expiration date is pretty much past due.

As I've said many times before, this over-the-hill attention whore needs to stop trying to be controversial and realize that her time is done. Madonna needs to understand that she is no longer relevant and that the world is officially immune to her childish mind games. She’s like an aging magician who is all out of tricks and tries to disguise old illusions as if they were brand new. Madonna needs to step down from her pop star horse and realize that she’s a 50-year-old woman still trying to act like she’s 21. Mark my words: Madonna is finished.

5. Miley Cyrus


Source: Jewel Samad/Getty Images

With dumbass comments about not being able to meet Radiohead at the Grammys and having the most annoying personality in popular music, it’s only a matter of time before Miley Cyrus is finally ignored by her Disney followers and gets thrown into the "where are they now" pile.

First off, I am so damn tired of hearing people say that this girl has talent. She’s a karaoke singer at best. There is nothing about Miley that makes her unique as an artist. She’s f***ing white bread. I would rather listen to Anne Murray and play bridge than listen to Miley sing over another soulless putrid pop disaster. She also kinda has a man voice...that will no doubt deepen over time.

The Miley invasion must be stopped!

4. Akon


Source: Victor Chavez/Getty Images

I can’t take anymore of this no-talent assclown. Every single song Akon puts out sounds exactly the same. It’s just him tellin’ some chick that he loves her through a repetitive chorus and lyrics that sound like they were written by my 8-year-old sister. (I guarantee he writes all of his lyrics in crayon, btw.)

After a few years of unbearable club songs and amateur pop productions, Akon’s time in the sun has to be nearing its end. Akon is a one-trick pony. Period. This will easily be his demise. The musical stars tell me that Akon will be soon dying a slow death on the charts because his fans will finally grow a brain and listen to real musicians that can actually play instruments and compose legitimate music.

I don’t care how many collaborations this guy does. It won’t save him from the inevitable.