Everybody has their own strategy when a fight breaks out at a baseball game. Wild punches, headbutts, and using your wife as a human shield are all great options. Sticking your fingers down your throat to vomit all over an off-duty cop and his two daughters, however, is oddly less effective.
Matthew Clemens (pictured above) never learned that lesson while getting picked on in gym class.
Last night, a local police officer decided to take his children out for a night of good, clean fun. Mistakenly, he thought a Philadelphia sporting event would be a good choice for this.
"I had beer thrown on me and water and then one individual started spitting at the back of my daughter's chair and he actually spit on my 11-year-old daughter," Police Captain Michael Vangelo said of his delightful experience at the Phillies game.
After several innings of getting harassed like a foreign exchange student with skin problems, Vangelo was able to convince security guards to eject the rabble-rousers from the stands. Big mistake!
As one group of Phillies fanatics left the park, it made way for a portly 21-year-old (pictured above) to step in and do his part to show Vangelo what Philadelphia fans are all about.
"He leaned forward, he projectile vomited all over me and my daughter," said Vangelo.
Yes, Clemens stuck his fingers down his throat and began using his bodily fluids as a weapon.
While Vangelo attempted to protect his daughters, Clemens began throwing an array of chubby-kid punches that caused the 43-year-old lawman to bleed from the ear.
He was eventually arrested and promptly taken to a jail with a very strict “no puking on other people in the yard” policy. Clemens has yet to provide any comments (or explanation), but remains hopeful that his next job interview will be with a boss who doesn't understand how Google works.
Kind of puts the whole “pelting Santa Claus with snowballs” or "cheering over a broken neck" thing into perspective.
Photo: NBC Philadelphia