The All Access Weekly Geekathlon

August 23, 2012

The Kennedy Space Center has announced it will open its facilities for a sporting event for the first time in history when it hosts the inaugural Rocketman Florida Triathlon on May 5th, 2013.

You can register for the Triathlon starting on September 1st. There are three levels:

  • Classic + - Swim 1/2 mile, Bike 34 miles (approx.), Run 3.1 miles
  • International + - Swim .93 miles, Bike 34 miles (approx.), Run 6.2 miles
  • Half Iron - Swim 1.2 miles, Bike 56 miles, Run 13.1 miles

The blog Gizmodo referred to it as the "nerdiest Triathlon ever." I suppose that, as far as Triathlons go, it's hard to disagree with that sentiment. Especially because it combines two crucial elements that nerds, or geeks, are so fond of: science and nostalgia. The Kennedy Space Center was, after all, the launch site for NASA's Space Shuttle program until it was discontinued in 2010.

Still, a part of me feels like this isn't as geeky or nerdy as it could be. It's taking place at the Kennedy Space Center, but what about all that physical exertion? Granted, there are geeks that are athletic, and the Classic+ race (and IMO International+) are definitely do-able. But it just seems to me like a lost opportunity.

So, with that in mind, I'd like to propose that we create our own physical challenge for geeks. So, without further adieu, I present:

The Spike All Access Weekly Geekathlon

Run 2.5 Miles

What? C'mon, it won't kill you, and it'll be a good warm-up for what's to come.

Explain to a stranger why Jack Kirby was so great using less than a hundred words and without using the words/phrases "God" and "I mean, he was just…man."After you've run 2.5 miles, you'll be met by a stranger who will ask "what's so great about Jack Kirby, anyway? He just drew kids' stuff." You'll have to not only keep your cool but rationally explain, in brief, what made him "the King."

Get 10 Kills In "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3"

Seems easy enough, except remember that you're competing against hundreds of other geeks. Oh, and all you can use is the throwing knife. Have fun.

Decipher Bane

Now that your adrenaline is pumping, you'll have to simmer down and concentrate while you're shown three minutes of Tom Hardy's performance as Bane in "The Dark Knight Rises." Your task will be to transcribe his dialogue with 100% accuracy. Here's a freebie: he says "when Gotham is in ashes," not "when Gotham is in plastic." Although it would be pretty messed up if he was one of those guys who buys furniture and then throws plastic over it, which doesn't allow you to enjoy looking or sitting on furniture, so what's the point even? That's just insane. Nay, evil.

Sit Through "The Avengers" In Complete Silence

Phew! Take a breather. Now that your concentration's been tested, you get to sit through one of the best popcorn munchers of all time. But there's catach: you cannot react. No cheering during the amazing fight sequence at the film's climax, no pumping your fist and going "yeah!" when they team up for the first time, and no giggling at everything the Hulk does (like I did in the theater. HE SCREAMED IN HIS FACE. TO WAKE HIM UP.).

Nitpick Someone's Comic-Con Cosplay Outfit

You'll be shown someone in a Comic-Con cosplay outfit and have to nitpick inconsistencies with the source material. For example, someone will be dressed as Tidus from Final Fantasy X but carrying a buster sword as if he's Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII. Which, okay, you can hack into X and give Tidus that weapon, but c'mon, that's a stretch.

Keep Your Cool On Reddit

You will be put in front of a computer that is already logged in to a reddit thread. While reading through it, your pulse and blood pressure will be monitored to make sure it doesn't get above a certain point. Keep your cool. I know, dude, I can't believe these are real people either. But you're almost finished. Don't blow it now.

Fastest Five Miles

Race to the finish line in the Batpod, that ridiculous motorcycle that Batman uses in the Nolan trilogy. GO GO GO!

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Matthew Berry Extended Interview
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Source: Warner Bros. Pictures