No one enjoys purchasing condoms. It is excruciatingly embarrassing to walk up to the drug store counter with a box in your sweaty hands. You try to act nonchalantly, but at the same time you feel like everyone in the store is staring at you. Because purchasing condoms is a strange and stressful experience, it makes sense that condom advertisements would be equally as strange.
Source: Henry Horenstein / Stone / Getty Images
By Nick Coles
The following article does not represent the opinions of Spike TV or its affiliates.
10. Safe Sex Airline
This weird Dutch commercial shows a flight attendant demonstrating the flight’s safety procedures. The sexy air hostess signals the exits, and then whips out a condom as if she’s about to join the mile high club. This unexpected act draws audible gasps from the passengers who are waiting to take off, not get off. These passengers have no idea they are on board Safe Sex Airlines. The guys on the flight seem especially unimpressed by the demonstration. They just want to get to their hip hop conference in peace.
9. Become a Love Machine
Source: Beate Uhse
Love Machine condoms, manufactured by German adult company Beate Uhse, promise to “give longer, take longer.” These condoms make you last so long you can solve an entire Sudoku, join-the-dots game, or crossword puzzle while doing the wild thing. Alternatively it means that these condoms desensitize sex and make it so boring that the only way to get through it is to have a puzzle to solve. Either way, if you’re a puzzle man, this may be the best sex of your life.
8. Dude Stalked by (Se)Men
If you were stalked by hundreds of fully grown men dressed up as human sperm, you’d probably think twice about having sex, or leaving the house. This scary old school condom commercial from Durex drives home the need for protection. Those se-men are plain creepy.
7. Skeletons Do the Wild Thing
We all know unprotected sex can have dangerous, evenly deadly, consequences. But do we need to resort to displays of skeleton porn? Does seeing bones slapping together give you a boner or even make you contemplate one? If the answer is yes, then you are a sick man.
Argentinean condom maker Tulipan pulls out the old scare tactics in their “Be Careful” campaign. This gratuitous depiction of skeleton sex is intended to scare you into action. We get it. Sex is great, but it’s not worth dying for. Then again, from the looks of things these skeletons have a healthy sex life.
6. Weird Indian Condom Commercial
Sex Ed. goes Bollywood in this Indian condom PSA. This epic 7-minute commercial is presented by four grown men, each dressed up as a different colored human-sized condom. They are like condom super heroes, except instead of super powers they have the power of song and dance. This quartet of prophylactics professes the virtues of condoms with beautiful voices and killer dance steps. They are even joined by a group of male back-up dancers who reinforce the condoms' message that the condom is “very useful” and that he is “your friend.” It really is very beautiful.
5. Third Leg
Why are there three shoes in this condom commercial? It’s because this dude has a really big schlong and needs a third shoe for his "third leg." This advertisement for French condom company Manix is funny, simple, and thought-provoking. Now where can I buy three shoes?
4. Rubber Rabbit Threesome
Two condom balloon rabbit figures sniff each other out and start going at it like, well, rabbits. The duo cycle through half the Kama Sutra in Durex's "Get it On" campaign. The two cute, adorable, lustful, sex-addicted rabbits are interrupted by a third rabbit who quickly gets it on as well. This twosome is now a racy, squeaky, crazy threesome. Durex also created some similar print advertisements, where the rabbit figures are people.
3. Condomi Condoms Taste Like Fruit
This dude looks in pain. These Condomi condom advertisements are meant to advertise their line of fruit-flavored condoms, but instead they make the condoms look like they were sent by the devil. They are plain scary. Are these men dying? Is this some kinky pain/pleasure sex? I understand that these condoms are so full of flavor that your girl will be gagging to make a meal out of your member, but at what cost? The look on these guy’s faces is terrifying. Have they had their pecker bitten off? What guy in their right mind would see this advertisement and buy these condoms? Why would anyone endanger their Johnson in such a manner?
2. Trojan: Evolve
A sexy woman sits at bar filled with anthropomorphized, cell phone-toting pigs and she stays. What hot woman would do this? Then one of the pigs waddles off to the restroom and purchases a condom. Suddenly he “evolves” into a cool dude who is successful with the ladies. This commercial gets its point across: guys without condoms are pigs that women find repulsive. The commercial caused some controversy when it was released and was actually banned by CBS and Fox.
1. Bunny in a Jar
How do you explain this print advertisement for Control Adapta condoms from Spain? It’s a bunny rabbit in a jar! The condoms come with extra lube, which may help explain how the bunny was able to fit into the jar. Alos, the Spanish for rabbit is conejo, which is also a euphemism for vagina. I’m still not sure the significance of the glass jar. Do you have any ideas?