The Top 10 Gifts from Guys

November 30, 2008

Need a perfect gift for Mom?  Not sure what your lady wants for the holidays this year?  Well look no further, as we're here to help you through the holidays.  You need not by crippled by Christmas or hobbled by Hanukkah. Stand tall and read on as we present the top 10 gifts from guys in 2008!

10. Lingerie for the Girlfriend


For a detailed video featuring Playboy Playmate Jo Garcia on how to buy your special lady a gift, check out Playboy Show and Tell. If you don’t have that kind of time, though, get her some lingerie because everybody (especially you) loves it when she looks hot in lingerie.  Just check her other lacy underthings for sizes before you make an ass out of yourself by misjudging the size of her, ya know, ass.

9. Jewelry for the Sister


If your sister is anything like my sister, you could spend about half a minute on either or a similar site such as and have 900 gifts that are perfect for her.  These two sites sell exclusively hand-crafted gifts from small-scale vendors. This will give the impression that you traveled to a distant land and exchanged handfuls of magic beads to get her a beautiful, exotic pendant. Really, you just had a PayPal account, though. 

8. Tickets for the Brother


Tickets are always a good item when it comes to fraternal gift-giving. Some classic choices include: tickets to a professional sports game, tickets to a rad concert, or perhaps some tickets to your personal boxing ring for a 1 on 1 sanctioned mixed martial arts combat for ultimate brotherly supremacy.  You think you’re the favorite?  My roundhouse kick begs to differ, sir. 

7. Mischief for the Nephew


Nephews are great because you get all the awesomeness of having a son and none of the responsibility.  Capitalize on this.  Get him a drum set or boxing gloves.  Maybe you get him a BB gun to put somebody’s eye out.  Anything your mother said you could never have, that’s what you get your nephew with a wink and a smile. Or, if you've really got it out for your nephew's parents, get him Costco packs of Diet Coke and Mentos. 

6. An Important Book for the Niece


Your niece must be made aware of the Male Threat.  You're not her father, but you’re not far off.  If she thinks she can run around with some biker dude with rugged good looks and a devil-may-care savoir faire, well she’s got another thing coming.  Buy her The Average American Male by Chad Kultgen to give her a terrible, dark view into the male psyche she will inevitably battle through high school and beyond. 

5. Flavored Bullets for the Father


Ah. Dad. Good ol’ dad.  Seeing as how Dad says gifts are for sissies and whiners, and seeing as how he makes more money than you to buy anything he wants, Dad is notoriously difficult to buy a gift for. However, a gift that simultaneously shows that you know how to get things done and gives him something to do sends the ultimate message.  That’s where Season Shot comes in.  They’re shotgun shells made out of delicious seasoning so Dad can go slay a Christmas goose and then put it directly into the oven – marinated at 1,500 feet per second.  

4. Spa Day for the Mother


Your mother puts up with you.  She spilled you from her womb and paid her dues so it’s time to pay her back.  Reward your momma for all her hard work with a day of "hardly working." Spa days range in price from $75 to $1000 to way more than you can afford.  Like any relationship with a woman, you find that sweet spot to balance how much you love her with a balanced check book.

3. Something Sharp for Grandpa



Gramps is retired.  He focuses mostly on puttering about, hemming and hawing, predicting the weather based on the swelling of his knees, and complaining about “the state of things these days.”  Give him something to do with his hands.  A whittling knife has the classic sensibility that appeals to old timers, and the affordability that appeals to a youngster like yourself, even if you don’t know the true worth of a dollar. 

2. Something Personalized for Grandma


Grams loves you.  So why don’t you just paste your ugly mug all over, hmm, what would be appropriate?  How about a mug?  Or a trucker hat, or a belt buckle, or whatever you think would be most flattering to both you and your grandma.  Head over to Zazzle and paste your smilin’ face all over a pair of sneakers for your grams to strut her stuff in.  

1. The Wii for Anybody and Everybody


The Wii has introduced an entirely new demographic to video games.  That’s good news for the number crunchers over in accounting at Nintendo, but it’s also good for anybody (me) that loves being better than people at things.  There is little sweeter than in this world than climbing to the top of the familial pyramid.  Does it matter whether you get there on your professional laurels, your impeccable morality, or a sweet Mario Kart?  I submit that it does not.