Nazi SS vs. Taliban

November 21, 2010

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 10: Nazi SS vs. Taliban

The Nazi Waffen SS; the fanatical shock troops who lead Adolf Hitler's evil charge for world domination.
(We see a group of Nazis march down the streets of Germany).

The Taliban; hard lying religious extremist, who back their beliefs with bullets.
(We see a Taliban cell firing an RPG-7 at a military vehicle).

                                          WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Nazi Waffen SS
Reign of Terror: 1933 - 1945
Height - 6'
Weight - 175 LBS
Allegiance - Adolf Hitler

Height - 5' 9"
Weight - 160 LBS
Armor - None
Gear - 20 LBS

Narrator: Here at the Fight Club, we're going to pit the weapons of two of the world's greatest evils against one another to see who comes out on top. First, the Adolf Hitler's fanatical shock troops; the Nazi Waffen SS:

Bouncing Betty
Flammenwerfer 41

Narrator: Against the fanatical Middle Eastern terrorists; the Taliban:

PMN Mine

Narrator: We'll start the tests off with a bang as we put the two fanatic group's explosives to the test: the Nazi SS Bouncing Betty, and the Taliban PMN Mine.

Fred carefully buried the Betty mine, the last thing he wanted was to be blown sky high. After the mine was buried, the team placed several dummies around the area. When the team was behind the safety glass, they hit the activation switch. The Betty Mine hopped out of the ground, getting to waist hight before exploding in a deafening blast. The blast ripped the dummies in half. The shrapnel hitting dummies from nearly all distances.

Bob set up the PMN mine not far from where Fred set up his. Like Fred, bodies were placed around, and like Fred, the device was activated when the teams were ready. But unlike Fred's mine, when the PMN went off, it only killed the dummy standing closest to it.

Dr. Dorian: It's clear to me that while the PMN mine has promise, it lacks the explosive power and shrapnel the Nazi mine does. That's why this advantage goes to the Bouncing Betty.

Edge: Nazi SS

Narrator:  Next, the groups will pit their long range weapons against the other: The Taliban's AK-47, and the Nazi SS's MP28.

Bob prepared himself for the test. He had to take his AK-47 and charge down a firing range, firing at targets. The only catch was that he would have to fire while the targets were surrounded by a thick smokescreen. Even though it was hard to see, Bob was still pretty sure he hit the first in the face. The second and third targets loomed out of the smoke, and he fired at their chest. The last target was behind a locked door, which he Bob kicked down, and fired straight at the target.

The doctor came and examined the targets. The first had been hit in the nose and chin, with one nicking the cheek. The second and third targets had both taken a few rounds to the chest. The final target had only been hit once, dead center in the chest, an instant kill shot.

Dr. Dorian: Well, that was impressive, and it's going to be tough to beat. The Nazi's had better bring their "A" game.

Fred was not overly worried as he loaded up his MP28. On the signal he also ran through the smokey corridor that Bob had, and fired at the same number of targets. At the final door, he opened it with his shoulder as opposed to his foot, but that was it. Fred stood triumphant as the doctor went to examine the bodies.

The first was a head shot, the second had taken some to the chest. The fourth was hit in the throat, and the fifth had taken half a dozen to the stomach and torso area. But it was the third shot that was of concern to the doctor. What was meant to be a chest shot, had unfortunately gone to the right, hitting the shoulder. The shot was liable to make the person drop their weapon, but it was not a kill shot.

Dr. Dorian: This may be more about skill, and not so much the guns themselves, but the test was to get more kills. The Taliban managed to kill all five in the smoke, and the Nazis didn't simple as that. The long range edge goes to the AK-47.

Edge: Taliban

Narrator: From long range to close range, it's time for our competitors to get up close and personal with: The Nazi Mauser against the Taliban' s Bayonet.

Bob stared at the five glass containers he had to shoot, loading his Mauser as he did. Without the smokescreen blurring his vision, Bob's shots flew true, striking each bottle in turn, shattering them.

But Bob had a secret weapon, the automatic feature on his Mauser. He quickly adjusted the weapon while the crew replaced the containers. Then he fired the Mauser again, only now, the gun functioned as an automatic weapon, shattering the glasses in half the time.

Next was Fred, looking none to confidant. He charged a dummy with an AK-47, this one with a Bayonet attached. The bayonet cut deeply into the dummy. Fred sliced upward, easily killing the dummy. But the judges were not impressed.

Dr. Dorian: While I'm sure that the bayonet has some useful applications in battle, but when compared to the Mauser, the differences are clear. Edge to the Mauser.

Edge: Nazi SS

Narrator: For our final test, our competitors throw out all the stops, and deliver the most devastating punishment they can with: The Taliban's RPG-7, and the Nazi's Flammenwerfer 41.

Fred had allowed Bob to go first, though Bob wasn't sure why. Bob was standing outside a cave, with some Taliban dummies at the entrance of said cave. When he got the signal, he released a stream of fire. The dummies lit up like candles, the temperature in the cave spiking to over four hundred degrees. Soon, the Taliban dummies, and the surrounding area were not but ash.

Fred grinned as he hefted his RPG on his solider. He pointed the device at a "platoon of Nazi" standing in the demolition field. When he pulled the trigger, it was like the hand of God, as it flew from the barrel. The RPG struck dead center in the Nazi group, before exploding, and vaporizing the whole lot of them.

Dr. Dorian: Man, both of these weapons can cause some major devastation. But I think that if I had to pick one, it would be the RPG-7. It has greater distance, power, and overall killing ability. That's why the special edge goes to the RPG - 7.

Edge: Taliban

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of two of the world's most hated enemies? The Nazi SS, who helped Hitler slaughter millions? Or the Taliban, who to this day cause destruction in the name of their God?

Close Range Edge: Nazi Mauser

Long Range Edge: Taliban AK - 47

Explosive Weapon Edge: Nazi Bouncing Betty

Special Weapon Edge: Taliban RPG -7

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

This fight takes place in a war ravaged Europe. The area looks similar to the surroundings of the Green Beret vs. Spetsnaz episode. Cars are abandoned in the street, and many buildings are merely hollow ruins, with only some of them having working utilities.

A Taliban cell sneaks through the seemingly deserted streets, warily of being spotted. Just as they turn down a street, a squad of Nazi SS turn the corner at the opposite end of the street. The two groups spot each other and, seeing how the other group is armed, open fire.

One of the Taliban manages to hit one of the Nazi in the shoulder and chest with his AK - 47 before he ducks for cover in between an old car, and the burnt out shell of a bus. The leader of the Nazi returned fire with his MP28, hitting the Taliban member in the heart. Before he and another Nazi take cover behind the same car as the injured Nazi

Nazi SS: 5                                Taliban: 4

That was when the Taliban with the RPG-7 peaked out from behind the corner. Aiming his missile launcher, he fired at the injured Nazi, figuring the blast would take out all three.

The Lead Nazi saw him, and warned his men, just as he leapt away from the car, his second in command jumping in the opposite direction. The injured Nazi didn't have the strength though, and braced himself. The missile struck the car and virtually disintegrated it. The explosion rocking the already decimated and crumbling streets. The blast throwing the Nazi into the side of the bus with such force that most of his bones broke. As he laid on the ground, pondering why he had not been killed, he heard an ominous creaking noise. He looked over, to see the bus had been knocked over by the explosion, and was now coming down toward him. He had just enough time to scream before it reached him.

Nazi SS: 4                                Taliban: 4

With that the groups split up. One Nazi fled into a nearby building, a Taliban member in pursuit. Two Taliban ran off the way they had come, with a Nazi following them. The leader ran back to their control car which was parked in the ally for some supplies, and his lieutenant went after the Taliban with the RPG-7, who had fled into the underground network of tunnels beneath the city.

The Nazi who ran into the building heard the sounds of his pursuer, and ducked into a side room and locked the door. Knowing he didn't have much time, he carefully removed a Bouncing Betty from his jacket pocket, as well as a couple of wires. Acting quickly but carefully, he rigged the shrapnel mine to the door, before ducking behind some ruble.

The Taliban had managed to get to the door, and tried to open it only to find it locked. Thinking that maybe the Nazi was lying in wait for him beyond the door, the Taliban raised his AK-47. He peppered the door with bullets, sure they would kill whoever on the other side, or at least disorient them. He then proceeded to kick the door in. That was when he heard a thump, and saw what looked like a can bounce up to waist height.

Behind the debris, the Nazi heard the sound of bullets pierce the door and ricochet around the room. The next sound was that of the Bouncing Betty blasting a large chunk from the room. When the smoke had cleared, he checked from his hiding spot. The Taliban had been torn apart by the mine. The Nazi grinned evilly before making his way out of the building.

Nazi SS: 4                                Taliban: 3

The Taliban ran through the tunnels randomly, trying to desperately load his RPG-7 with another rocket, while the Nazi pursuing him took pot shots at him with his Mauser. The Taliban turned down another tunnel, and found himself at a dead end. It looked like a boiler room, with tanks that likely once supplied heat to the building above. He really didn't have time to look around though, as the Nazi finally hit the Taliban somewhere it really counted: his leg. The Taliban fell, his momentum keeping him moving forward so he slid right into a wall. Turning over he revived a shot in the stomach, as the Nazi approached him. The Nazi had a smug look on his face that just made the Taliban's blood boil. Knowing he would likely die from his wounds anyway, the Taliban decided he would not give his enemy the honor of living. Using his remaining strength he fired his RPG-7 toward the ceiling.

"FOR ALLAH!!!!!" He cried out as the missile exploded against the ceiling. Inside of the enclosed space of the room, the already crumbling structure, and whatever was left in the old gas heating tanks, combined into a raging blast from which none could escape. Especially not the very surprised Nazi.

Nazi SS: 3                                Taliban: 2

Meanwhile back with the Taliban who had turned back the way they came . . .

The head Taliban was a natural sprinter, and easily outpaced his companion. Turning the corner, he stopped and took a PMN mine from his pack. He dropped it on the ground and lightly covered it with dirt. He looked back around the corner, and immediately ducked as the Nazi continued to fire shots from his MP28. He saw his partner, who was running more slowly thanks to some shells in shoulders and back. And the Nazi, who was shouting something in German as he fired. The Taliban shouted out a warning to his friend in arabic, to which he received a grateful nod. His friend rounded the corner and jumped over the slightly raised bit of earth. The two then turned and continued running. The Nazi also turned the corner, but since he had not received a warning, he did step on the patch with the PMN mine under it. The mine went off, and the Nazi was blown sky high.

Nazi SS: 2                                Taliban: 2

The two remaining Taliban stopped in an ally to catch their breaths, when a Nazi practically flew from a nearly invisible door. He punched the Head Taliban to the ground, and knocked the other aside.  He drew his Mauser to kill the Taliban cell leader, but suddenly felt a sharp pain in his side. The other Taliban had leapt up and stabbed him with his Bayonet. The Taliban then stabbed upward, toward the Nazi's throat. The Taliban grinned as the life drained from the Nazi's eyes. But his own eyes widened as the Nazi shakily raised his Mauser up. The Taliban tried to shake him off, but he was caught in the Nazi's dying grip on him. The Nazi pointed it at the Taliban's face and, with his last bit of life fired.

Nazi SS: 1                                Taliban: 1

The Taliban leader was definitely surprised by the turn of events. He had not expected the dying Nazi to actually have enough fight in him to do any real harm. And that thought cost him another man. Shaking his head, the Taliban leader picked up his AK - 47 and continued on through the streets. Soon he came upon the Nazi's car, though it was empty. Checking the area, the leader heard a sudden whoosh sound from around the corner, and an eerie orange light caused the alley to glow. The Taliban realized what was coming at him and turned to run. From around the corner emerged the Nazi cell leader, wearing the Flammenwerfer 41. Seeing his target, the Nazi sprayed a wave of fire down the ally at the fleeing man. The Taliban fired back, but missed, and the wave of fire set his back on fire. Screaming in pain, the Taliban tripped, his gunning spinning from his hands. Shakily he looked up, and saw the Nazi leader walking up to him. The Nazi leader looked down on the burnt Taliban, and he felt no pity. Reading his pack, he cried out "For Deutschland!" and barbecued the Taliban.

Nazi SS: 1                                Taliban: 0

Winner: Nazi SS

Nazi SS: 565

MP28: 230

Flammenwerfer 41: 145

Bouncing Betty: 100

Mauser: 90

Taliban: 435

AK - 47: 240

RPG - 7: 150

PMN Mine: 25

Bayonet: 20

Narrator: In this battle of sinister soldiers, it is the Nazi SS that survive as the top dogs. Though the Taliban were strong in their own right, it just wasn't enough.

Dr. Dorian: Well, it would seem that while the Taliban is good at working in a cell, they just couldn't overcome the better training and weaponry of the Nazi.

We see the Nazi leader standing over the Taliban leader's burning corpse, crying out "For Deutschland!"

The End.