The Top Eight Perfect Songs To Poop To

April 14, 2009

There is nothing wrong at all with having a little music to set the mood for your special alone time with the toilet . It would be even better if you had a perfect playlist of songs formatted to your sporadic BM bathroom breaks. Well, you’re in luck because we've put together the ultimate mix for your daily release.

8. "Make 'Em Say Uhh!" – Master P

This 1997 classic is perfect for all y’all active poopers out there. If you like to bounce around on the porcelain to loosen things up, Master P and his No Limit Soldiers will easily help you move things along with some now-vintage southern beats and flows. Just hearing Mystikal on the mic gets my belly ready to blow!

7. “Release the Beast” – Breakwater

So that's where Daft Punk got this sample from...

“Release the Beast” needs to be played when you are running with a head of steam to the can with an express package that needs to be delivered ASAP. The funky riffs of this 1980 banger will surely get you amped and ready to take care of business. This s*** needs to go, son!


6. “Patience” - Guns ‘N Roses

“Patience” is perfect for that Saturday afternoon deuce when you have all the time in the world to just sit and stare off into the distance. Axl’s whistling will easily help you relax and dispose of that 3 a.m. Jack in the Box run from the night before. Thanks, fellas.

5. “Smells Like Teen Spirit” – Nirvana

The name of this track pretty much says it all.

The aggressive, loud, and kinda stinky genre that is grunge relates to so many days spent droppin’ bombs in the little boy’s room it makes my head spin. There’s just something about Kurt’s intense vocals and powerful licks that motivates me to get angry at my poo. The track make me want to yell at it and tell it to get the f*** out of my body. “Get gone, dookie!”
4. “Chariots of Fire Theme” – Vangelis


Sometimes just you have to push yourself to limit in the bathroom, and this is just the right track to help you get to a place you never thought existed.

With this theme from the acclaimed 1981 classic, you have time to settle yourself in and work out any problems you've got goin’ on in the ol’ gut. Even if things are going slow, it’s all good, sport. You got all the time in the world. The finish line is in front of you and within reach, but you must put in some serious work to get there.


3. “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” – The Beatles


Source: Tom Hanley/Getty Images

If you have ever gone a few days without disposing of your digested meals, “I Want You” might be the best song to help you move things along smoothly. It works perfectly. With a beginning that starts off kinda tense, it eventually loosens up into a noisy experimental release...just like a pesky deuce. The smooth breakdown even gives you a second to catch your breath.

The song works on so many levels it's ridiculous. It’s like Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz. Even the lyrics “I want you so bad it’s driving me mad” is a perfect mantra to have while tryin’ to push out large-lodged log while in the lavatory. It’s a psychedelic s***storm, people.

2. "Drop It Like It's Hot" – Snoop Dogg

This Snoop banger came up randomly while I was getting down to business on the commode a few weeks back and for some reason I started dancing like I was at the club. This totally made the entire experience better than I ever could have imagined. I felt like it was the way a pimp would poop. It would totally be smooth, laid back and effortless. Ballin!!!

1. “Free Falling” – Tom Petty

The reason why this admittedly overplayed classic is in at #1 is because it perfectly fits any toilet session you can come up with. The tempo, title, and looping chorus provide an instant universal mood that any latrine dweller would find appealing. The title alone makes you want to saddle up and let go of all the inappropriate things you may have consumed.


What do you like to listen to when you're kickin' it on the crapper?