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The Nine Nerdiest Heroes of All Time

by G_Shakespeare   July 09, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 1,877


4. Hiro - Heroes

Source: NBC

Although he ends up becoming a time-traveling, katana-wielding badass, Hiro Nakamura of the TV show Heroes starts out as a pretty big geek. An unhappy, faceless pencil pusher for a Japanese company, Hiro slaves away in obscurity while daydreaming of a better, less officey life. His dreams come true when he discovers his ability to fool around with the space time continuum. Unlike the rest of the Heroes crew, who respond to their amazing powers by moping around and generally looking soulful and tortured, Hiro actually seems to get a kick out of his powers. And who wouldn't? Isn't it every geek's dream to be able to freeze time and spend hours playing video games, or go back and buy a mint copy of Action Comics #1, or travel to the future to pick up a Playstation 9? Unfortunately Hori doesn't do any of those things, but at least he teleports into a women's toilet to demonstrate his powers. Now that's the kind of superhero we need. One who's not afraid to use his powers to score cheap looks at naked ladies.


3. Frodo - The Lord of the Rings

Source: New Line Cinema

Poor, little Frodo. All the little dude wanted out of life was to hang out, smoke a couple bowls of Halfling weed, and maybe shave his huge feet every once in a while. Unfortunately for the magical pipsqueak, everyone else in Middle Earth had other plans for his tiny little ass. Pressed into world-saving service by that old crank Gandalf, Frodo is forced to carry the most dangerous object in Middle Earth to the most dangerous place on Middle Earth. And to add insult to injury, for most of the trip his only companions are a chubby kid with boundary issues and a lifelong addict going through massive withdrawal. But like all great nerd heroes, Frodo does what he has to do to save the day and he makes it through the only way a nerd can. By constantly whining, fainting about every 20 feet, and making somebody else do all the fighting stuff.


2. The Doctor - Doctor Who

Source: BBC

They grow their heroes a little differently across the Atlantic. Take England's number one sci-fi warrior, the Doctor. The star of the long running TV series Doctor Who, the Doctor has spent years fighting killer robots, alien invasions, and all manner of science gone mad with nothing more than a beat-up old time machine, a few witty quips, and a wardrobe that your gay uncle Lawrence would die for. Although he's been played by 11 different actors over the years, the Doctor always believed that if you're going to spend the day fighting unspeakable evil, you might as well get dressed up for it! Whatever he's wearing, the Doctor is a firm believer in non-violence. He prefers to take down opposing armies with nothing more a little well-placed technobabble and a fancy monologue or two. If your weird 10th grade drama teacher ever invented a time machine and devoted his life to saving the universe, he would be Doctor Who.


1. Wikus Van Der Merwe - District 9

Source: WingNut Films

Clad in a crappy tie, cheesy short sleeve dress shirt, $6 haircut, and bucket after bucket of flop sweat, heroes don't come much nerdier than mid-level manager turned alien savior Wikus Van Der Merwe. At the start of District 9, Wikus is a schlub who's married his way into a tiny position of power at a company charged with taking care of a South Africa slum for recently arrived aliens. Not only is he supremely geeky, he's also a borderline racist prick who takes just a little too much joy in forcible removing aliens from their houses.

That is until he gets a splash of black alien goo in his face. As he slowly transforms into one of the aliens he hated so much, Wikus becomes less and less nebbish, and more and more disgusting. But along with all the black puke and hideous deformations, something else is a born. A hero. A totally gross one, sure. But at least he isn't a nerd anymore.



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