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The Nine Nerdiest Heroes of All Time

by G_Shakespeare   July 09, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 1,662

If you ask most people to imagine up a typical action hero, they usually think of a stone-faced muscle-bound man of action. But sometimes a problem arises that needs a different kind of hero. One who wears glasses and will fight the bad guy...just as soon as he takes his ear medicine.

Source: MGM

By Geoff Shakespeare

 

9. David Lightman - War Games

To give you an idea of how big a nerd Matthew Broderick's character David Lightman was in the 1983 classic WarGames, he had a modem in 1983. Yes, back when everyone else was creaming their pants over their 26-bit Ataris, Davey was surfing the Internet before there even was one. Unfortunately for the rest of the world, despite being a trailblazing technological pioneer, he was also kind of an idiot. Instead of desperately looking for porn like any other suburban kid with a computer, David hacks into the computer that controls all of America's nukes and sets the world on an inevitable path to total annihilation. He eventually saves the day and learns one of the most valuable lessons of his life. If you're a teenage computer whiz with access to any computer in the country, don't enter into a life and death game with the possibly sentient computer that controls America's nuclear arsenal. Do something cool. Like rickrolling.

 

8. David Levinson - Independence Day

Source: 20th Century Fox

It's hard to imagine now, but for a brief, bizarre window of time in the mid '90s, Jeff Goldblum was one of the most bankable action stars in Hollywood. With his cerebral face, absent-minded professor's voice and serious brow, Goldblum looks more suited to solving particularly difficult crossword puzzles than saving the world from intractable alien menaces.

But in the 1996 blockbuster Independence Day, save it he does. Albeit in an incredibly geeky way. Instead of big guns, a huge bomb, or deadly kung fu, David Levinson uses one of the nerdiest weapons in history: a computer virus. Yes, the mighty hero brings down the alien fleet with something that is usually used to steal old ladies' credit card numbers. What's even worse, he writes and deploys the virus on a Macbook. Not only is he a geek, he's an Apple geek. We can only assume that once the mothership was destroyed, and the threat to human existence averted, Levinson flew back to Earth, kissed the girl, and spent the next several hours boring everyone at the victory party to tears with a passionate, smug diatribe against the evils of PCs.

 

7. Columbus - Zombieland

Source: Relativity Media

It's often been said that every era gets the hero it deserves. If that's true, then the world must have done something really messed up in order to be saddled with Columbus in Zombieland. A true nerd for all seasons, Columbus misses out on the beginning of the zombie outbreak because he's too wrapped up in a marathon World of Warcraft session. Once he does smarten up, Columbus is far more interested in his own survival than doing anything heroic. Instead of enjoying the lawless post-apocalyptic thrill ride, he spends his times coming up with his own rules like only a real poindexter would. Luckily for Columbus (and people watching the movie) he hooks up with Woody Harrelson, a guy who was made to break rules. With Harrelson around to loosen him up, Columbus transforms. He kills a ton of zombies - and Bill Murray - and in the process learns how to "nut up" and be a real man. All it took to break him out of his rut was the violent death of millions and the complete collapse of human civilization. Real nerds die hard.

 

6. Fry - Futurama

Source: 20th Century Fox Television

Has there ever been a more pathetic hero than Phillip J. Fry? The good part is he accidentally gets frozen for 1,000 years and wakes up in a crazy, kick-ass future world of smart-mouth robots and heads in jars. The bad part is the millennium on ice has done nothing to wash the loser stink off him. He falls into the same job, has the same rotten luck with women, and gets zero respect from his newfound future friends. Yet despite all his bad luck and borderline IQ, Fry travels all over the galaxy, saves the universe several times, and even ends up as Tentacle Pope for awhile. How does such a chump end up with so much? He just doesn't care, man. What raises Fry above your average lovable loser is his almost zen-like laziness. He may be a class A supergeek with the intelligence of a particulary dumb dog, but he's totally fine with that. Despite being a central figure in some of the most important events in the cosmos, Fry's satisfied just to sit back and enjoy the ride. Wait a minute, maybe he should be on the list of the greatest heroes of all time instead.

 

5. Mr. Fantastic - The Fantastic Four

Source: 20th Century Fox

A lot of superheroes moonlight as scientists. Iron Man, the Flash, and a bunch of others all split their time between slaving away in the lab and kicking the snot out of psychopaths in spandex. The difference with Mr. Fantastic (the stretchy guy from The Fantastic Four) is he considers himself a scientist first and a crimefighter a distant second. Pure nerd. Think about it. After a freak outerspace accident, Mr. Fantastic gains the ability to shape and contort his body in any way imaginable. Instead of doing the normal thing (pursuing a high-paying career in porn), or at least fighting bad guys full time, Fantastic devotes the majority of his time to science. Fortunately for us, the kind of science he gets into usually involves hideous monsters from alternate dimensions. But still, come on, Mr. Fantastic! You are made out of living rubber, your wife can turn invisible, and your best friends are a superstrong chunk of living rock and a guy who's constantly on fire. Get out there and stir some s*** up once and a while. Otherwise they're going to start calling you Mr. Sort-of-okay-but-kind-of-boring.

 

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