Rematch: Medellin Cartel vs Somali Pirate

August 30, 2010



SHORT RANGE: Grappling Hook.

SHORT RANGE 2: Harpoon Spears/Harpoon Gun.




EXPLOSIVE 2: Mini Hand Grenades.


SHORT RANGE: Fire Spoon. (a spoon melted and burns)

SHORT RANGE 2: Machete Sword.




EXPLOSIVE 2: Dynamite.


Grappling Hook vs Fire Spoon. EDGE = Grappling Hook.

Much farther range and four sharp points on the Hook is more deadly than a 3 inch spoon. The rope on the Hook can also make it longer range.

Harpoon Spears/Gun vs Machete Sword. EDGE = Harpoon.

This was close but what gave the Harpoon the EDGE is that you can load it in a gun to kill whales ... or humans.

AK-47 vs Mini Uzi. EDGE = Mini Uzi.

Even though the AK-47 does shoot longer range, but a machine gun like a Mini Uzi has more bullets and more lethal. Plus it's very effective in a drive-by, motorcycle style.

PKM vs M60. EDGE = M60.

Even though the M60 does jam, the PKM jams just as much. And maybe more. Just like the M60, the gun can jam itself but the Pirates use bigger bullets some times those can jam the gun.

RPG-7 vs Car Bomb. EDGE = RPG-7.

Trust me, the Car Bomb is very deadly for having the largest explosion ever seen on DW. But the RPG-7 is reloadable, so if a Pirate is able to dodge the explosion from the Car Bomb, he can kill a Cartel.

Mini Hand Grenades vs Dynamite. EDGE = Dynamite.

Both are very deadly and almost even, but the dynamite has one extra feature, a larger concussion force.


In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean there's a large vessel called 'S.S. Aniacoc'. Sounds cool, right? Wrong. 'Aniacoc' is Cocania backwards. And Cocania is Spanish for Cocaine. This ship was owned by the Medellin Drug Cartel. The vessel, is holding cocaine, of course. While driving to Florida so the Queen of Miami, Florida's drug lord, and also the mother of one of the Cartel experts seen on DW, so she can take it, a small boat comes up to the ship. No one knows they're there, until a rocket is shot at the large ship. The explosion took out a Cartel member and his body parts flew into the water. Pirates = 6. Cartel = 5.

After the explosion, the Pirates shoot a harpoon spear and throw a grappling hook to climb up the ship. After all of them get up on the ship, they take the spear and hook out of the side of the ship. They split up, three staying on board, scouring the top of the ship, the other three going into the hull of the ship. The first one that goes into the hull is riddled with bullets from an M60. Pirates = 5. Cartel = 5.

The shooter runs away, but a spear from a harpoon gun shoots him in the back and pulls the string back seeing the killed drug seller. As the two look at the corpse, Mini Uzi bullets shoot the harpooner. The other one jumps behind a stack of cocaine filled crates, pulls up a walkie talkie, and says, "Mejudha, HELP! I'm the only one left down here- AAAAAAHHHHH!!!" A spoon, burning hot, kills the Pirate by jabbing the spoon in the eyes. Pirates = 3. Cartel = 4.

The door opens up and AK-47 bullets shoot at the fire spoon wielder. However, the Cartel that shot the Pirate with the Mini Uzi shoots again, making the Pirate fall over the rail on the stairs. The Mini Uzi shooter runs up the stairs, ready to kill the two other Pirates. Instead no one is there. He walks to the side of the door, seeing another Cartel with a machete. As they head in one direction, the one with the Uzi is speared but not from a gun. This now gives the machete wielder the chance and he slashes the neck of the Pirate. Pirates = 1. Cartel = 2.

The Machete wielder walks around the next corner to walk up some stairs to the very top of the ship. As he turns another corner PKM bullet fly at him. The Pirate walks around on the top of the ship. A door he didn't see that was actually an exit from the hull that was on the ground, opens up and M60 bullets fly at him. He was able to dodge them by jumping off the side of the stairs. They keep shooting bullets at one another until both run out. A grenade comes at him, but he runs, and FAST! The Cartel was able to dodge it. Then he threw his own explosive, a dynamite stick. The Pirate, too, was able to dodge it. But while doing so, the Pirate slid back down in the hull after slipping on some blood. The Cartel ends the fight by planting a car bomb next to the Pirate who still can't get up. He watches in horror as the bomb blew that part of the room up, not bothering most of the cocaine. Pirate = 0. Cartel = 1. The Cartel finaly docks in Miami, gives the Queen the cocaine, not telling her about the fight.


Fire Spoon: 8.

Machete: 107.

Mini Uzi: 182.

M60: 208.

Car Bomb: 38.

Dynamite: 48.


Grappling Hook: 8.

Harpoons: 102.

AK-47: 122.

PKM: 135.

RPG-7: 40.

Mini Hand Grenades: 2.

BEST PERFORMING WEAPON: M60 had 208 kills, very devastating.

LEAST PERFORMING WEAPON: Mini Hand Grenades only had 2 kills, supremely dull.