The A - Z of Cheating
No relationship is ever perfect and cheating is pretty common. Some 22 percent of married couples have had an extra martial affair. Alfred Kinsey’s sex study showed us that 50 percent of American males have cheated on their partner. Whatever your reasons for cheating, if you’re going to do it you may as well know how to get a way with it.
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A is for Ashley Madison
If you are looking to have an affair and want to be discreet, visit AshleyMadison.com. This website is a dating service for people in relationships looking to have an affair with a like minded person. The site boasts 3,510,000 members ready to get adulterous. As the website states, “Life is short. Have an affair.”
B is for Break
If you are on a break from your girl and hook up with another girl, then it’s not technically cheating.
C is for Cell Phone
Never save your girl-on-the-side’s number in your cell phone. Women are nosy and will snoop through your phone to see what you are up to. Instead, save it as a friend’s work number. Also be sure to immediately delete any saucy text messages you receive from your new lady friend. Better yet, purchase a second cell phone and use it as your affair hotline. Just be sure to keep it away from the prying eyes of your partner.
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D is for Deny
If you are ever accused of cheating by your girlfriend, deny it. Use your best poker face and continue to calmly deny. Your reaction to this accusation is very important. Do not try and accuse her of cheating. Instead, recommend having a discussion about the state of your relationship (which is probably pretty bad if you are cheating). Girls love talks, and chances are, she has no concrete proof of your wanderings.
E is for Excuse
The biggest giveaway that you are cheating is not being able to explain what you are doing with your time. Stay clear of flimsy excuses. Your girl will only believe the “I had to work late” or “I have a business trip” excuse the first few times. You need to create a well thought-out excuse that is not suspicious and can be backed up if needed. It might not hurt to get someone in on it that she thinks she can trust to use as an alibi at any time.
F is for Fun
Affairs are fun and there is obviously a reason you’re having one or considering one. Maybe it’s an unsatisfactory relationship or a poor sex life. Whatever the reason, be careful. Don’t get caught up in the whirlwind of it all. Use the affair to reflect on the nature of your unsatisfactory relationship. Is it worth saving? Can it be saved? Or is it time to move on? Do not mistake sex for love.
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G is for Guilt
Even dudes with hearts of stone will feel some guilt when cheating. This, after all, is part of the excitement of having an affair. You know it’s wrong, but that’s what makes it feel so right.
H is for Hotels
You will become a familiar face at your local Holiday Inn or Motel 6. They may not be the greatest hotels in the world, but they serve their purpose and won’t burn a hole in your wallet.
I is for Indoors Only
Whatever you do, don’t flaunt your new relationship in public. That means keeping it an indoors-only, private affair. That means no kissing in public or holding hands as you walk along the beach. Only spend time with your mistress in public if you are at least 500 miles from home. The plus side is you won’t spend a fortune taking your new flame out on expensive dinner dates.