The Top Eight Killer Kids in Movies

October 12, 2010

For the most part, kids in movies serve two vital, if annoying, roles. The first is to provide smart-alecky comments and act in a way only people who make movies think kids act. The second is to be sweet, cuddly, and precious. But some kids in the movies have more on their mind then snappy zingers or teary goodbyes. Some kids want nothing more than to bathe in the blood of their enemies and spread unbridled anarchy and terror.

 Source: Lionsgate

By Geoff Shakespeare

 

8. Hit Girl (Kickass)

Although she may have the bloodlust to match or beat any of the other tiny terrors on this list, at least Hit Girl's heart was in the right place. Born and raised by a crazed vigilante (played by crazed actor Nicholas Cage), Hit Girl has devoted the entirety of her short life to eviscerating bad guys in the bloodiest ways imaginable. She shoots, stabs, and slices her way through the better part of the New York underworld in an orgy of violence that would make Patrick Bateman blush. Clad in a purple wig and schoolgirl's skirt, she may not look like much, but turn your back on her long enough to put on a Hannah Montana DVD and odds are you'll be carrying your spleen home in a paper bag. She's ultraviolent, swears like a drunken Marine, and has a body count to rival the nastiest serial killers. Thank God she's only 11. Can you imagine what she's going to be like after she hits puberty?

 

7. Hob the Junior Drug Lord (Robocop 2)

Source: Orion Pictures

He may not be as well known as some of the more famous kiddie murderers, but Robocop 2's junior bad guy Hob is just as kill-crazy as any of them. Though he looks and dresses like Beaver Cleaver's wimpier brother, Hob is actually a high ranking, mass murdering drug dealer in the rusted-out, futuristic hellscape that Detroit has become in the movie. Mentored in evil and destruction by the psychotic leader of the gang, Hob shoots first and asks questions later as he helps his gang push a highly addictive drug called Nuke. Once his boss gets knocked out of commission, Little Hob actually takes over the entire gang and tries to cut a deal with the mayor to deal drugs freely, something the old guy never had the cajones to try. It doesn't work and Hob ends up a bloody corpse, but you got to give the peewee gang boss credit. Not many gradeschoolers could run a massive drug ring in one of the biggest cities in America. Well, at least most of them couldn't.

 

6. Ivy (Poison Ivy)

Source: New Line Cinema

Ivy, Drew Barrymore's pint-sized femme fatale in the 1992 thriller Poison Ivy, may not be the most violent cinematic child - she only has one murder to her credit - but she is one of the most conniving. After conning her way into an upper class family through a friendship with the moody daughter from Roseanne, Ivy wastes no time using her teenage wiles to convince a grown man with a pretty hot wife that he'd be far better off ordering the veal than the aged steak, if you know what we mean. The only problem is said hot wife doesn't take too kindly to some teen skank taking over her family, so Drew Barrymore does the only thing an evil seductress can in that situation. She admits defeat and devotes her life to study and public service. Just kidding, she totally pushes her off a balcony. Ivy eventually suffers the same fate, but not before she gets the husband into bed and the daughter to kiss her. Not bad for a troubled girl from the wrong side of the tracks.

 

5. Henry Evans (The Good Son)

Source: 20th Century Fox

When The Good Son came out in 1993, Macaulay Culkin was at the top of his cute moppet game. After rocketing to worldwide fame as the kid in Home Alone and joining Michael Jackson's stable of "friends," few people expected his next role to be playing a psychotic kid who has a deep hate on for Elijah Wood. When Wood loses his mother and comes to stay with Culkin's family, he quickly realizes that his angelic-looking relative is playing for keeps. He's already murdered his younger brother, terrorizes the neighbourhood cats and dogs with a homemade crossbow, and plans to drown his sister in an icy pond. Once Wood finally convinces his aunt that Culkin's campaign of violence isn't nearly as cute as it was in Home Alone, Macaulay decides to throw her off a cliff. Eventually his plans are thwarted and his mom lets him fall to his death. But even though he was a remorseless killer, you can't help but feel sorry for Culkin. Who among us hasn't fantasized at some point about brutally murdering Elijah Wood?

 

Recent Features

The 10 Beers We Dare You to Drink

The Top Seven Hottest Nuns in Cinema

The Top 10 Sexiest WNBA Players of All Time

The Top Six Craziest Movie Families

The 10 Famous People You Didn't Know Were Really Huge Badasses

 

 

4. Sadako/Samara (The Ring)

Source: Toho Company Ltd.

Depending on which version you see (the original Japanese one or the surprisingly good American remake), the evil girl ghost in The Ring is either the vengeful spirit of an abused psychic little girl or just a plain old-fashioned evil little bitch. Either way, she's definitely the scariest thing to ever skulk around in a soaking wet nightie. Including your granny that time she got locked out of the house during a rain storm.

Sadako/Samara spends both movies tormenting anyone unlucky enough to watch her arty home video, regardless of the circumstances. Not only does she appear in their dreams, she also turns up during waking hours like the world's creepiest Blockbuster employee to remind the poor souls that once their weekly rental is up, the late fee is death! Eventually the heroines in both movies figure out that all Sadako/Samara really wanted was a hug and to be understood, like most teenagers. Of course most teenagers don't terrorize innocent victims with a cursed black and white video, but give her a break, she's dead.

 

3. Malachai Boardman (Children of the Corn)

Source: New World Pictures

The 1984 cult classic Children of the Corn is a lot of things, but one thing it isn't is short on bloodthirsty psychopaths who aren't old enough to buy beer. In fact, despite the heroes who get lost in the town, everyone in the movie is a pint-sized member of a savage murder cult who ritualistically murders anyone over the age of 19. But though they all may be murders, none of them seem to take to it quite like orange-haired lunatic Malachai. Played by go-to ‘80s weirdo Courtney Gains, Malachai leads the kids as they carry out the orders of their prophet and appease the evil He Who Walks Behind The Rows. With his razor-sharp handsickle, evil eyes, and eviler hair, Malachai does everything in his power to keep the cult freshly stocked with sacrifices. In the end, his long track record of murder isn't enough to spare him divine retribution from the evil spirit of the cornfield, but at least he gets to die as he lived- soaked in blood and sporting one the worst haircuts in the history of cinema.

 

2. Jason Dean (Heathers)

Source: New World Pictures

When he first appears with his James Dean looks and junior Jack Nicholson swagger, you'd be forgiven for assuming Christian Slater's Jason Dean is going to be the good guy in the 1989 black horror comedy Heathers. A recent arrival to the school, he thumbs his nose at the social hierarchy and has nothing but contempt for the popular crowd. His potent mix of teenage rebellion and snarky charm quickly wins him the heart of lead Winona Ryder. Unfortunately for her, his rejection of the school's social mores is less about challenging an unfair system and more about him to setting up an elaborate scheme of murder. As he picks off the popular kids one by one, his violent plans culminate in an attempt to blow up the entire school and disguise it as mass suicide. Kids! Luckily for most of the students at the school, Winona foils the plan, but not before Christian straps on the explosives and blows himself up in a blaze of ironic glory. He may have only been a kid mass murderer, but he went out like a pro.

 

1. Damien (The Omen)

Source: 20th Century Fox

Considering his demonic lineage, there wasn't much chance that Damien was going to grow up to build houses for Habitat for Humanity or run a hostel for runaway kitties. Being evil was in his blood. Literally the spawn of Satan, Damien packs a lot of evil in his little body, even if does look like the kind of kid who has a permanent note from his mom to get out of gym class. Like his father before him, Damien is more of an evil mastermind than a flat out killer. He rarely does the dirty work, but almost everyone around him ends up dead in some bizarre way that everyone brushes off as a "freak accident." Over the course of the three Omen movies, Damien grows from a super creepy kid to a super creepy man and finally admits his Satanic heritage. Even though he saves his really nasty plans for adulthood, we'll always remember him as a little boy. A sick, evil, freaky little boy.

 

 

Recent Features

The 10 Beers We Dare You to Drink

The Top Seven Hottest Nuns in Cinema

The Top 10 Sexiest WNBA Players of All Time

The Top Six Craziest Movie Families

The 10 Famous People You Didn't Know Were Really Huge Badasses

 

 

 

Loading...