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The Top Eight Killer Kids in Movies

by G_Shakespeare   October 12, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 4,962

For the most part, kids in movies serve two vital, if annoying, roles. The first is to provide smart-alecky comments and act in a way only people who make movies think kids act. The second is to be sweet, cuddly, and precious. But some kids in the movies have more on their mind then snappy zingers or teary goodbyes. Some kids want nothing more than to bathe in the blood of their enemies and spread unbridled anarchy and terror.

 Source: Lionsgate

By Geoff Shakespeare

 

8. Hit Girl (Kickass)

Although she may have the bloodlust to match or beat any of the other tiny terrors on this list, at least Hit Girl's heart was in the right place. Born and raised by a crazed vigilante (played by crazed actor Nicholas Cage), Hit Girl has devoted the entirety of her short life to eviscerating bad guys in the bloodiest ways imaginable. She shoots, stabs, and slices her way through the better part of the New York underworld in an orgy of violence that would make Patrick Bateman blush. Clad in a purple wig and schoolgirl's skirt, she may not look like much, but turn your back on her long enough to put on a Hannah Montana DVD and odds are you'll be carrying your spleen home in a paper bag. She's ultraviolent, swears like a drunken Marine, and has a body count to rival the nastiest serial killers. Thank God she's only 11. Can you imagine what she's going to be like after she hits puberty?

 

7. Hob the Junior Drug Lord (Robocop 2)

Source: Orion Pictures

He may not be as well known as some of the more famous kiddie murderers, but Robocop 2's junior bad guy Hob is just as kill-crazy as any of them. Though he looks and dresses like Beaver Cleaver's wimpier brother, Hob is actually a high ranking, mass murdering drug dealer in the rusted-out, futuristic hellscape that Detroit has become in the movie. Mentored in evil and destruction by the psychotic leader of the gang, Hob shoots first and asks questions later as he helps his gang push a highly addictive drug called Nuke. Once his boss gets knocked out of commission, Little Hob actually takes over the entire gang and tries to cut a deal with the mayor to deal drugs freely, something the old guy never had the cajones to try. It doesn't work and Hob ends up a bloody corpse, but you got to give the peewee gang boss credit. Not many gradeschoolers could run a massive drug ring in one of the biggest cities in America. Well, at least most of them couldn't.

 

6. Ivy (Poison Ivy)

Source: New Line Cinema

Ivy, Drew Barrymore's pint-sized femme fatale in the 1992 thriller Poison Ivy, may not be the most violent cinematic child - she only has one murder to her credit - but she is one of the most conniving. After conning her way into an upper class family through a friendship with the moody daughter from Roseanne, Ivy wastes no time using her teenage wiles to convince a grown man with a pretty hot wife that he'd be far better off ordering the veal than the aged steak, if you know what we mean. The only problem is said hot wife doesn't take too kindly to some teen skank taking over her family, so Drew Barrymore does the only thing an evil seductress can in that situation. She admits defeat and devotes her life to study and public service. Just kidding, she totally pushes her off a balcony. Ivy eventually suffers the same fate, but not before she gets the husband into bed and the daughter to kiss her. Not bad for a troubled girl from the wrong side of the tracks.

 

5. Henry Evans (The Good Son)

Source: 20th Century Fox

When The Good Son came out in 1993, Macaulay Culkin was at the top of his cute moppet game. After rocketing to worldwide fame as the kid in Home Alone and joining Michael Jackson's stable of "friends," few people expected his next role to be playing a psychotic kid who has a deep hate on for Elijah Wood. When Wood loses his mother and comes to stay with Culkin's family, he quickly realizes that his angelic-looking relative is playing for keeps. He's already murdered his younger brother, terrorizes the neighbourhood cats and dogs with a homemade crossbow, and plans to drown his sister in an icy pond. Once Wood finally convinces his aunt that Culkin's campaign of violence isn't nearly as cute as it was in Home Alone, Macaulay decides to throw her off a cliff. Eventually his plans are thwarted and his mom lets him fall to his death. But even though he was a remorseless killer, you can't help but feel sorry for Culkin. Who among us hasn't fantasized at some point about brutally murdering Elijah Wood?

 

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