The Top 10 Songs To Kill Someone To

October 29, 2008

It would be so awesome if the next big slasher movie had a psychopathic killer that wore headphones on his ears while he hacked up unsuspecting teenagers. What would Jason Voorhees be listening to in the mist of getting revenge for his mother’s death? Have you ever wondered what Freddy Krueger was into his early days when he use to cook kids in the boiler room?


10. "Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthin’ To F*** With"- Wu-Tang Clan

The thing that I love about this song is that it was one of the first true hardcore hip hop songs to ever hit the mainstream. NWA was aggressive, but when the Wu dropped 36 Chambers back in '93, it was the grimiest thing ever to hit hip hop.

Could you imagine a demented character in one of Takashi Miike’s movies hacking up victims to a RZA classic? It would be so awesome.

This song could get a room full of Mormons ready to tear some sh*t down.


9. "Don't Fear the Reaper"- Blue Öyster Cult

This had to be on the list. The consisting whacking of the cowbell could help any teen killer easily keep a perfect stabbing tempo.

I’m also really surprised this didn’t inspire some real-life deaths in 1976. It’s spacey psychedelic rock mixed with weird lyrics about Romeo and Juliet that led many listeners to interpret the song to be about a murder-suicide pact. Cult leaders should have been all over this this sh*t.


8. "One Week" - Barenaked Ladies

I honestly tried to find a song that made me want to physically hurt someone when I listened to it. This is totally that song. “One Week” was like the plague back in 1998. It just wouldn’t go away. I’m really surprised that DJs who played this song didn’t end up dead at Bar Mitzvahs all over the United States. I buried a few back in Pittsburgh.

I can’t believe Marilyn Mason took so much sh*t in the late ‘90s when these were the guys that were truly poisoning our children’s airwaves.

7. "Kill You" - Eminem

If I was a movie mass murderer and I needed to come up with some new and creative ways to kill a person, I would totally listen to more Eminem.

“Kill You” is a perfect example for this. One of the main reasons is because we catch a now-famous Slim Shady more pissed off than ever and he’s ready to unload on some fools. He turns killing someone into a comedic event and of course uses some ridiculous lyrical concoctions to paint his demented mental pictures. He even rapes his own mother. Top that, Norman Bates.


6. "I Want To Kill You" - GG Allin

This list would not be complete without a song by GG. Kevin Michael had to be one of the most evil bastards to ever walk this planet and his music was definitely an outlet to distribute his hate. It’s a shame GG got more recognition for his stage antics than his music, but I guess when you wipe poop all over yourself people tend to get a little sidetracked.

This would definitely get me ready for some late night teen slashing…

5. "F***ing Hostile" - Pantera

This is another great band that they need to use more in the movies. How can you deny this song? It’s easily one of the greatest metal tracks ever written and has everything a true fan could ever want. Imagine being in Hellraiser and wrecking fools with your giant knife-chains to this song. I’m getting goose bumps already. Or is that just Pinhead behind me?

Here’s Phil, Dime, Vinnie and Rex at the top of their game…


4. "Bullet" - Misfits

There are so many Misfits songs to choose from, but this one would have to be the best one to crack skulls to. The concept of the song alone gets you ready for some “back and to the left” assassination attempts. How can you go wrong with a sixteen-year-old Glenn Danzig screaming in your ear?

Presidents bullet-ridden body in the street
Ride, johnny ride
Kennedys shattered head hits concrete
Ride, johnny ride




3. "Perfect Day" – Lou Reed

This track is for all of those depressed serial killers out there who think they’re misunderstood and decide to start takin’ out innocent victims Son of Sam-style.

Even though most of the “Perfect Day” lyrics seem to show Reed's romanticized attitude towards his own addictions, the song could really be interpreted a number of ways. I choose to think that the song is completely cynical and that the lyrics mean the opposite of what they really are.

All I know is the first time I put on Transformer and listened to this song I got so depressed I tried to hang myself with a yard of licorice string.

2. "Angel of Death" – Slayer

This may be the greatest thrash song ever written and might also be one of the greatest motivators of aggression to ever hit our stereos.

If I was a disgusting undead killer that had to take out my revenge on some spoiled suburban kids, I would totally have this song on repeat while I chopped off body parts like a Brooklyn butcher.

Why hasn’t this song been in a horror movie? If Dokken got paid for his Nightmare On Elm Street 3 title track, you would think some demented bastard out there would have put a real metal song alongside some over-the-top carnage.

1. The Beatles - "Helter Skelter"

This is the one that started it all. Long before Ozzy was being taken to court and accused of putting subliminal messages in his song "Suicide Solution," Charles Manson was using this Paul McCartney landmark as inspiration for the Tate-LaBianca killings. Manson used “Helter Skelter” as his so-called prediction of an apocalyptic war that would arise from tensions over racial relations between blacks and whites. Okay.

Either way, this song was one of the hardest of its time and set the standard for what real rock n’ roll song should be. Just listen to Ringo’s crashing symbols and Paul’s raw shrieking vocals.

"I've got blisters on my fingers!"