Man to Man: The Name's Clean... Mr. Clean

April 9, 2010

Ah Spring! That glorious time of rebirth. Everything from bears to bunnies to breathtaking cleavage pops out of hibernation and provides the perfect opportunity for a fresh start. But if you're hoping to turn over a new leaf you'll have to take part in that timeless tradition: Spring Cleaning. Here are a few ways to get fresh.

Clean Out Your Cave

Over the winter your humble abode has served you well as a shelter against the harsh elements. But treating your home like hibernation hole can leave it in less than stellar condition. Open a freakin' window. Use the warm weather as a chance to air out your odors, sweep out the stench, and generally make the place more presentable for any Spring Chickens you may be able to lure into it. If your idea of homey touches are vintage Penthouses and pissed-on toilet seats, you may wanna consider joining your local Lonely Losers Association.

 Drop Some Cloth

This is the season when animals shed their winter coats and adopt a new look. So take a page out of Mother Nature's playbook - get rid of a bunch of crap you don't wear anymore. Styrofoam lasts forever, but your clothes have definite expiration dates. Rule of thumb should be - if you haven't worn it in the past five years, you're not going to wear it in the next. Sorry, but say sayonara to those moth-eaten flannel shirts that suggest you'd just as soon gut a deer as grab a beer. Holes in socks and underwear?  Deal killer. Like finding a worm in an apple for her. Ditto for those long-loved t-shirts that are now the consistency of one-ply toilet paper. It's tough to part ways with these things, but it pays to invest in some fresh replacements.

E-victing your E-junk

Even if you aren't one of those guys who camped out for days to snag an iPad, chances are you've got a fair amount of electronic junk. We all know gadgets are full of crazy chemicals, but very few of us know what to do with them. The good news is it's easier than you'd think, and maybe more profitable. If your old TV, computer, or cell phone is in decent condition, a quick web search will find a list of programs that will put them to good use, and in some cases allow you to write the donation off on your taxes. You get a little kick back from Uncle Sam and don't have to worry about poisoning your own drinking water.
Now you're ready to toss on some shades and step out into the sun - fully confident that your spruced-up living space is now mesmerizingly sexy. Which is very good news, because in case you forgot... Spring is mating season. Enjoy the weather, and be sure to share any clean up tips you've got up in the comments below.

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