The Top Seven Ways to Get Out of a Ticket
Everyone knows that sinking feeling you get when you check the rear view mirror only to see those infamous red and blue flashing lights filling the view. But just because you've been pulled over doesn't mean you're guaranteed to drive away with that unwanted slip of paper in your pocket. The way you handle yourself in the next few minutes can truly make or break your day - not to mention your bank account.
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By Brad Iger
The following article does not represent the opinions of Spike TV or its affiliates.
7. Be a Comedian
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Though it can be easy to forget sometimes, the fuzz are people too. And like other people, they tend to be a little less dickish if the mood of the situation is lightened a bit. So defusing the tension that comes with a confrontation between a cop and who-knows-what with some humor can actually go a long way. Here's one to try, if you have the opportunity to use it:
Bored Cop: Buddy, I've been waiting for you all day.
Speeding Driver: Well, I got here as fast as I could.
6. Lie Like a Rug
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I'm going to say right now, this one is gonna be tough to pull off. It's a good rule of thumb that if you're going to lie to the cops, use a lie that they have no way of proving wrong. It's best in these situations to either play on their sympathies:
"Officer, if I don't get to a bathroom soon my ass is going to explode!"
...or convince them that you're in some kind of emergency situation:
"My friend called me from a bar and he sounded like he was going to drive home drunk. I'm going there to pick him up before he tries to leave!"
Just remember if they catch you... you are so screwed.
5. Just the Truth
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On the opposite side of the spectrum, and probably the more virtuous, is flat out sincerity. When the cop pulls you over and asks the obligatory "do you know why I pulled you over?" and it's painfully obvious why he did, playing dumb probably isn't going to win you any points - but being forthright and honest might.
Responding with "I think so. I lost track of my speed back there.. I've been on the road for a while, and I was probably going a little faster than I should've been" might earn you some points with a cop whose had nothing but BSers all day. Just remember that if you aren't absolutely certain why he pulled you over, there's also no incentive to giving him free violations to pin on you.
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Okay, you've hit rock bottom. You are officially shameless. If you really, really don't want a ticket and can summon tears upon command, a grown man (or, ever better, a woman) balling uncontrollably at the thought of getting a ticket really has a way of disarming all but the most stern of law enforcement.
If you can add something like "I'm trying to get out of town - my wife just left me for my dad" or something to that effect, you're pretty much gold. But keep in mind you'll never be able to look anyone in the eye ever again, ya damned pansy!