Fighters in the White House

November 7, 2008

President-elect Barack Obama has won a difficult battle, but he now has the far greater task of fixing this country. It's kind of like when coach finally puts you in center field and that fly ball comes sailing your way all you can think is, "Oh Sh*t, what do I do now?"

Here at Spike, we've always felt that less drama and more action is the way to go, so we'd like to offer our help by suggesting a few UFC fighters that we think would make good additions to the new Presidential Cabinet.

Press Secretary: Dana White

While not an official "Cabinet" position, Press Secretary remains one of the most crucial roles in the White House, and few have mastered this delicate game with greater success than Dana White.

As Dana's first order of business he would change the Oval Office to an Octagonal one, and then grant Katie Couric an exclusive interview where he'll release the new Policies and Procedures for Obama's term entitled, "The Seven Words You Can Always Say in the White House."

Department of Defense: Lyoto Machida

Arguably the most important position in the cabinet right now, the Department of Defense needs to step up and renew the American people's confidence. The perfect choice here has to be Lyoto Machida. He puts together a solid game plan. He takes his time and wears out his opponents. Most importantly, he knows when he's in too deep, and always has an exit plan.

Department of Agriculture: Matt Hughes

Hughes is one of the more politically active fighters in the UFC right now, and this appointment might help win over some of the red states that so sorely wanted McCain in office. You might not agree with all his policies, unless of course you're an extremely conservative Protestant, but hey, we can't have those gays spending all day in the barn with our livestock (note the sarcasm and please hold all hate mail).

With Hughes in charge of our struggling agriculture, he can make it cool again to be a farmer. He'll whip those pansy city folk back into shape and before we know it there will be an influx to the Midwest, the country music industry will boom, and tractor racing will become an officially sanctioned sport.

Department of Housing and Urban Development: Nate Diaz

Diaz could make an immediate effect in this seat by relocating his entire posse to the White House. Within a matter of weeks the whole cabinet will be drinking malt liquor with lunch and find Dutch Masters on their pillows before bed. I hear this is a tradition that still lingers from President Clinton's term. Ahh, those were the days.


Ok let's here it; complaints, suggestions, concerns. I want to hear it all in the comments section.