Premarital Sex is Klling the BYU Football Program

April 19, 2010

Mid-major football darling Brighan Young University found out that bias BCS voting isn't the only thing that can destroy their championship dreams. (Spoiler alert: premarital sex is the other one.)

BYU’s all-time leading rusher Harvey Unger and his girlfriend have abruptly dropped out of school after violating the school's honor code.

While most people close to the situation have indicated that "knocking boots" (which is stricty forbidden) is the broken law, there are hundreds of other infringements that could have led to the early departures.

Let’s take a look at some other actions that are prohibited for BYU students:

  • Consuming alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, and coffee.
  • Disaffiliation from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
  • Participation in gambling activities.
  • Involvement with pornographic, erotic, indecent, or offensive material.
  • Homosexual behavior and/or advocacy of homosexual behavior.
  • Sporting sideburns that extend below the earlobe or onto the cheek.

Essentially going to BYU is a lot like living in a third world Middle Eastern country, only with more attractive women that are legally required to not have sex with you.

Whether Unga engaged in relations with his girlfriend or consumed caffeine (also prohibited), the Cougars just lost their greatest running back of all time thanks to a list of rules that most prison inmates would call mildly constricting.

Plus, the students aren’t even allowed to console themselves with mixed gender camping trips (also not allowed).

Photo: Otto Greule Jr./Getty Images Sport/Getty Images