The Top 10 Most Bizarre Sex Scandals in Sports

February 3, 2010

You know how in high school the quarterback of the football team always ends up dating the head cheerleader with low self-esteem and a bright future as a V.D. clinic receptionist? Well, the adult world isn't much different, only instead of just cheating on the prom queen with a band geek who has to do "weird things" because she's not pretty enough to just sleep around, professional athletes have really upped the ante found exciting and disturbing new ways to express their sexuality.
Source: James Devaney/Filmagic/Getty Images

 

10. Green Bay Packers Tight End Gets Arrested After Sleeping With His Children’s Babysitter at her High School Prom – Like a Champ

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Source: Photochoice/Getty Images

Long before rumors of a Brett Favre-John Madden sex tape shocked the football world (and people who had never heard of a “bring your own lunch meat”-themed porno), Green Bay was the center of a sex scandal that resembled a Julia Roberts romantic comedy – only with more alleged rape and less “Apparently her movies can get even worse?” comments at the end.

In the Spring of 2000, Green Bay Packers tight end (and staunch critic of statutory rape laws) Mark Chmura decided that attending an after-prom party with the 17-year-old girl who babysat his kids was a brilliant idea. Quite frankly, it’s impossible to see how things could have possibly gone wrong after he and his 41-year-old friend rolled up to a Wisconsin post-secondary bash.

After playing drinking games in an upstairs bathroom with some  teenage girls and a case of peppermint schnapps, Chmura reportedly slept with his underage date right next to the toilet seat and “World’s Number One Dad” toothbrush holder one of the father’s who didn’t have his daughter allegedly sexually assaulted by a professional football player had laying around. The possibly consensual event led to a hilarious trial (unless of course you don’t find sex with a minor funny) which ended in the acquittal of Chmura. There was, however, no word if the Chmura family was able to find a new babysitter after the ordeal.

9. Marv Albert says YES! to Sodomy and Cross-Dressing

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Source: Ezra Shaw/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

For a guy who looks like he carries around a platinum membership card to the local Taiwanese brothel, the world seemed pretty surprised when disturbing stories surfaced about Marv Albert’s sex life - and no, the shock was not that he, in fact, had a sex life. In 1997, the mildly popular broadcaster went on trial for “forcibly sodomizing” his 42-year-old mistress and biting her on the ass 15 times while doing so – a move made popular in the Kentucky Penal system and Vancouver Canucks locker room (allegedly).

After vehemently denying the allegations – just like O.J. Simpson and the Unabomber – DNA reports proved that the large dental impressions on the woman’s rear end belonged to Albert (which he apparently gave her while wearing women’s undergarments). This led Albert to plead guilty to a misdemeanor assault charge and offer a public apology that made other sportscasters question the moral value of sodomizing the women they cheat on their wives with.

8. The Minnesota Vikings Forget Being on a Boat Doesn’t Make Oral Sex Invisible

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Source: Photochoice/Getty Images

In October of 2005, 18 members of the Minnesota Vikings decided that instead of practicing football or having sex in the privacy of their own homes, they were going to rent a boat and fly in some hookers from Atlanta (because everyone knows they don’t have those oppressive “only one at a time” policies that Midwestern whores cling to). Led by Daunte Culpepper (who recently won the prestigious "Least Likely To Improve" award at the Detroit Lions mini-camp), the ragtag bunch of “Johns” hit Lake Minnetonka ready to show the sporting world what a few thousands dollars and Al Davis quality decision-making can do.

According to crew members who apparently didn’t want to see Bryant McKinnie receive oral sex from a woman who carries around a price list next to her Herpes medication, the team began a Greek (or Toronto Blue Jays-style) orgy minutes after the boat left the dock. The escapades ended up leading to various charges that were eventually dropped, but the mental image of a 378-pound lineman getting romantically fondled by a call girl while Fred Smoot cheers him on still haunts both sports fans and the fine crew of the Robinson Family Boat Tour company.

7. Chipper Jones Knocks Up a Hooters Waitress, Leaves Court-Mandated 18-Year Tip

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Source: Mark Cunningham/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

We’ve all been there before. You’re at a Hooters, it’s getting late, Dick Vitale doesn’t appear to be showing up with the blow, and that waitress who smells like silicone and divorce court is starting to look like a suitable option to bring back to your executive suite at the local Motel 8. Sure, you know violating her in the morning before receiving a complimentary continental breakfast is a great story to tell the guys at work Monday morning, but the possibility of venereal disease and aggravating your bacon grease allergies make you stop – something Atlanta Braves star Chipper Jones wasn’t quite able to do.

In 1998, after a longtime affair with a Hooters Girl (one of the classier ones who knows how to read, though), Chipper Jones heard the two words that no professional athlete ever wants to hear from the girl he’s cheating on his wife with: "I’m pregnant." That’s right, sports fans, the pride of the Braves’ infield had to have the awkward “Honey, you know that son you’ve always wanted? Well, I’m having it with the Hooters waitress I’ve been cheating on you with” conversation.

 

6. There’s no Crying (or Filming Gay Japanese Pornos) in Baseball

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Source: SoftDemand.com

With the exception of corporate fraud and childhood obesity, there’s nothing more American than baseball (just ask the several hundred foreign players in the MLB). If you’re good enough to make the major leagues it doesn’t matter how checkered your history is. If you can swing a bat and load a syringe, you’re good to go in Bud Selig’s books.
That’s why in 2003, after Japanese teams shunned him for innocently filming a gay pornography in which he wore a leash and received a handjob from a demanding Asian gentleman (an image that would have made one hell of a rookie card), Kazuhito Tadano signed with the Cleveland Indians, who reportedly were unaware of his previous acting endeavors.

Much like electronics and MSG-rich foods, the Americans were a few years behind their Japanese counterparts and unearthed the scandal in January of 2004, forcing Tadano to give a press conference where he essentially stated “I was young, needed the money, and he told me he loved me once we were done.” He then pleaded to the staunch Ohio media that he was a heterosexual athlete who happened to star in a gay porn, which led to his eventually departure to Oakland in 2006 for a few minor league prospects and an “I slept with a Pizza Hut waitress and all I got was a case of syphilis" t-shirt that Jason Giambi used to wash his dog with.

 

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Note: The photos in this article are being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the photos is a model.

 

5. Pittsburgh Steelers Linebacker Proves Pimpin' Ain't Easy (or Legal)

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Source: Stone/Getty Images

In 2007, after collecting a Super Bowl ring for being an invaluable member of the team’s practice squad, Pittsburgh Steelers alleged linebacker Richard Seigler was arrested pandering – or, as it’s more commonly known, trying to sell the sexual services of an eager young woman.

As the story goes, after realizing that the pickings were slim (and kind of gross) in the Pittsburgh prostitution world, Seigler moved back to his hometown of Las Vegas where he began setting up a sex-for-sale business that one satisfied customer called “a nice alternative to sitting alone in my hotel room reeking like slot machines and failure while making a pros-and-cons list about whether or not I should kill myself to stop the loneliness.” With a solid business plan and a few months before CFL try-outs started, Seigler decided to solicit Craigslist to find "customers" – a move that, surprisingly, came back to haunt him.

Seigler was arrested shortly after his foray into online hooker recruitment (let that be a lesson, kids), but was able to evade capture thanks to a tip from Steelers management. Apparently, just before cutting him, team officials casually mentioned that besides being slow, weak, and slightly awkward in group showering situations, they were unimpressed with the warrant out for his arrest – something the Las Vegas police department seemed mildly perturbed about considering Seigler didn’t know about it. The former linebacker ended up being taken into custody, because his slow 40-yard dash time and inability to break tackles would have made him an easy catch had he decided to make a run for the border. He was eventually acquitted of the charges during trial due to lack of evidence and hopes to rejoin an NFL with a liberal moral contract clause.

 

4. Eugene Robinson Celebrates Winning Christian Moral Fiber Award by Offering an Undercover Cop $40 for Oral Sex the Night Before the Super Bowl

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Source: Image Source/Getty Images

Everyone has their own little rituals before the big game. Whether it’s injecting performance enhancing drugs, reviewing child support payment plans, or preparing an apology for the fans you’re about to let down (looking your way, entire Cubs roster) – professional athletes know what it takes to psych themselves up. And in 1999, Atlanta Falcons star defensive player Eugene Robinson was no exception.

In what has become a very popular pre-game tradition in both the Super Bowl and Burbank Youth Soccer League, Robinson prepared for the biggest game of his life by offering a local whore (or, as they prefer to be called - “Barkley Bait”) $40 for some oral sex while his wife and children waited back at the hotel thinking about how lucky
they were to have a Dad willing to forgo his marriage vows in order to get a competitive edge and put food on the table. The plan, however, backfired and the working girl turned out to be an undercover cop. Robinson was subsequently detained for a brief period, and was given time to think about the humanitarian award he won earlier in the day and just how awful he was going to play in the upcoming hours.

For those of you who don’t remember (or put money on the Dirty Birds) Denver crushed Atlanta by two touchdowns the next day.

 

3. Greg Oden Accidentally Posts Pictures of His Penis on the Internet

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Source: Brian Bahr/Getty ImagesSport/Getty Images

After a tumultuous 48 hours that the local media in Portland dubbed “Penis-Gate 2010,” Greg Oden ended the saga of his recently released nudie pics to a confused and somewhat aroused group of reporters.

For those of you who haven’t been following the oddly homoerotic saga, here’s the gist of it:

18 months ago, Oden took a few snapshots of his genitalia to send to his girlfriend (instead of practicing or avoiding becoming the single biggest bust since Kwame Brown or NBC’s Knight Rider remake).

Last week, these photos were leaked pretty much all over the Internet. Later in the day, Oden’s people tried to have them removed.

It failed.

So, Oden apologized for the embarrassment the photos caused, explained that he trusted the wrong people, and noted that Portland really should have drafted Kevin Durant back in 2007. (Okay, the last one wasn’t true - but how awesome would a Brandon Roy/Kevin Durant duo be?)

The best moment in the whole saga, though, came when a female reporter asked how Oden felt about everyone being “impressed” with the size of his junk. In the world of awkward questions from journalists this one ranks somewhere between “Seriously, Mr. Odom – you know you can do better, right?” and “Wait, Leinart – you’re still on this team?”

 

2. Alex Rodriguez Dumps Goldie Hawn’s Daughter to Spend More Time Pleasuring Himself in front of the Mirror  (Allegedly)

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Source: Details Magazine

After denying reports that he and his own reflection were going to elope in Eastern Canada (where pretty much any sex act is both legal and covered by Universal Healthcare), recent World Series champion and well-coifed lothario Alex Rodriguez reportedly decided to take a break from dating actual human beings, in order to spend more time “basking in his own awesomeness.”

The future home run king was apparently disappointed that he spent too much time finding love and making friends, while neglecting the simple things in life like begging magazines to feature him topless and rubbing baby oil all over himself before taking a nice jog through Central Park.

If there’s one thing Alex Rodriguez cares about more than pretending he never took steroids or learning to play the tuba, it’s being just one of the guys. And every red-blooded American knows the importance of eating a healthy breakfast, getting enough sleep, and spending at least seven hours a day flexing in front of the mirror while Jorge Posada sobs gently into his glove in the next locker to hide the quiet shame.

1. Two New York Yankees Players Trade Wives During the Offseason

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Source: Photochoice/Getty Images

Don’t you wish life was a little more like sports? The ability to skip work because it’s raining outside (like baseball), sleep with gorgeous women year-round (like curling), and treat girlfriends like roster players that you can cut or trade at any moment with no hard feelings (like Icelandic midget hunting).

Whenever I enter a relationship with a young woman, I secretly wonder what her trade value is, or if I happen to put her on the girlfriend waiver wire – what type of guy would sign her to a long term marriage deal. Well, in 1972,  New York Yankees “stars” Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich decided to take a page out of the George Steinbrenner playbook and make a hasty trade – for each other’s wives.

After attending a swinger’s party in the offseason allegedly hosted by a sportswriter who just became my new hero, the two players nailed each other’s spouses while a group of sexual deviants listened closely outside of the door. The sex must have been pretty good, though, because following the encounter Kekich’s wife waived her no-trade clause and stuck with Peterson – leading to baseball’s first ever intra-team wife swap. The trade was finalized later in the year, proving once again that the Yankees really are the single greatest, and most sexually disturbing, thing to happen to baseball.

 

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Note: The photos in this article are being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the photos is a model.

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