Confused Old Man Joins Cast of Survivor

July 21, 2010

NFL legend Jimmy Johnson has banished himself to Nicaragua in order to join a presumably dumbfounded cast of contestants on the upcoming season of Survivor. Thank God! It’s been really annoying watching people who actually need the money win this thing every year.

It’s unclear why the 67-year-old Super Bowl champion decided to go on national television and compete for a chance to be publicly shamed by Jeff Probst, but there’s a strong possibility than clerical senility played a part in the equation.

Johnson will become the first major sports figure to compete on the long-running show and an excellent candidate to become both the lovable (yet horribly useless) old man and heinous villain who has his sleeping bag urinated on by other contestants.

Either way, the 21-year-old aspiring actress from Iowa they cast every season won’t have to pleasure a line producer behind the tribal council pit in order to land herself on the “What Were they Thinking?” section of Us Weekly. Sleeping with Jimmy Johnson for a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader audition and first crack at the rice supply should be enough to earn the honor.

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