Lawrence Taylor Uses the Old "I Was Pleasuring Myself, Not Raping That Teenage Prostitute" Defense

May 12, 2010

Lawrence Taylor found himself in a bit of a pickle when the 16-year-old hooker he allegedly slept with came forward and let authorities know about their night of romanctic (but not legally confirmed) statutory rape. Luckily, the Hall of Fame football star wasn’t doing anything wrong or creepy. He was just masturbating while she was in the room.

According to, Taylor’s attorneys are claiming that the former New York Giants linebacker engaged in a “masturbatory act” but did not have sex.

Clearly the goal is to make Taylor appear like a normal human being to the jury and avoid a jail sentence that will severely limit the time he has to masturbate in front of teenage prostitutes. 

Here's something to consider, though;

The legal age of consent in Canada is 16 years old. So basically, Lawrence Taylor isn't a degenerate criminal, he was just 200 miles south on the wrong side of the statutory rape border. (Something to keep in mind when planning your next vacation.)

The unofficial slogan of Canadian Tourism happens to be: Visit Canada, Bang a Minor, Eh

I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. Unfortunately, ladies, he's taken. (Seriously, he's married.)

Photo: Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images