The Top 10 Best Bar Pickup Lines

September 25, 2009

Women can be a lot like desk lamps. Not terribly bright, cost a little more than you think, and always about one or two steps away from your bed if you set it up right. But unlike standard lighting fixtures, most women don't come with a manual that shows you how to turn them on... until now. Enjoy some of the world's best pick-up lines, sure to get any girl with a sense of humor and some level of literacy interested in you...

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10. You know, if you lost 25 pounds you'd be really beautiful.


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Not only do girls love to be challenged, but self-improvement is a huge part of every young woman's life. This line also let's her know that you value goal-oriented women that aren't afraid to throw up after a nice dinner.

9. I was kind of hoping for your sister, but I guess you'll do.


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Family is important to women, so paying her sibling a compliment is a great way to open up the conversation. Plus if you ever get married, her parents will be able to talk about the adorable way you tried to nail their other daughter at a TGI Friday's Happy Hour during their wedding toast.

8. Would you believe me if I told you I had over 6,000 Star Wars Figurines in my apartment?


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If there's one thing an attractive girl loves (besides money, gifts paid for with money, and guys with lots of money), it's a sloppily drunk science nerd that spends his time collecting plastic dolls from movies made 22 years before she dropped out of community college to become an actress. Just be sure to avoid keeping Darth Vader on the night stand - it's tough to perform with the Dark Lord watching you struggle to undo her bra.

7. I have a condom that's about to expire and I'd really hate to lose the 87 cents.


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This shows girls that not only do you care about safe sex, but that you're financially responsible. This is the type of line that could work on a young lady that you wouldn't be ashamed to have at a poker game - provided she made the nachos, kept her mouth shut all night, and cleaned up afterwards.

6. Do you think you could put in a good word for me with your much more attractive friend?


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Women are always complaining that their boyfriends don't take an active interest in their friends. So, why not make a point to show her you're willing to take time out of your busy day to stare at her co-worker's cleavage or get drunk off wine coolers with her old sorority sister?

5. You probably get this all the time, but I'd love to nail you in the coat room.


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The only thing women love more than getting hit on by a slightly overweight guy wearing a "1988 Los Angeles Lakers Western Conference Champions" T-shirt is a gentleman who's willing to try adventurous things. Suggesting an erotic rendezvous doesn't just demonstrates confidence, but it also lets the girl know that you don't want to waste valuable gas driving her back to an abandoned motel or your buddy's sofa. Score one for environmentalism!

4. I don't care what the bartender says, I doubt you actually have Herpes.


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Girls are very self-conscious creatures, so an opening line like this works particularly well at family gatherings and work functions to build her up to the most important people in her life. It lets her boss, mother, and a room full of strangers know that she is both desirable and free of communicable diseases.

3. I usually go for beautiful, intelligent girls - but my friends told me to start trying new things.


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If there's one thing women hate, it's a predictable guy. Thus, by letting her know that you're open to trying unique things and stepping outside your comfort zone, you become instantly more attractive. Plus she will likely feel honored that you are considering banging her in the gentleman's restroom that she won't even make you get her any bar peanuts after you're done looking up the nearest route to the free clinic in your nav.

2. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I think you may be worth "Applebee's Money."


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Usually starting out with such an obvious compliment can work against you, but this one is a little different. Women are always wondering just exactly what they're worth, and this line provides them with an empirical, complimentary answer. You're basically saying "I believe the possibility of sleeping with you may be worth a plate of Riblets and two margaritas - provided they accept my coupon during happy hour."

1. You know - you're not getting any younger, and I ain't getting much drunker.


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If there are two things to know about women, it's that they love honesty and fear being a childless 37-year-old cat owner headed to their 20 year high school reunion with nothing more than a middle management job and delusions that somewhere there's a decent guy who isn't completely turned off by the phrase "When I turned 30..." This line exploits the fear but disqualifies you as somebody worth keeping around too long. It's a nice win-win.