Soccer's Biggest Mystery Revealed, People Not from America on Edge of Seat

June 3, 2010

In 2006, French soccer phenom Zinedine Zidane decided to flush his country’s chances of winning a World Cup down the toilet by head-butting an opposing player in the final minutes of the championship game. Nobody knew what prompted the single most selfish act in sports history – until now.

Zidane’s victim, Marco Matterazzi, broke his four-year silence in an autobiography that will no doubt answer every Marco Matterazzi question you’ve ever had.

Chief amongst these queries, what did Matterazzi say to Zidane that made him throw a little head his way?

During a jaunt on the field following a spoiled rush, the Italian center back leaned over to Zidane and said “I prefer the whore that is your sister.”

Yup, that’s it.

Zidane destroyed the hopes of his country because somebody called his sister a whore.

Do French people not understand the whole trash talking aspect of sports, or is Zidane just really close with his sister?

No need to worry, though. The rational soccer fans of Europe’s most erratic nation will probably handle this breaking news pretty well.