The Top 10 Worst Music Videos of 2009
Here we go again. Another year has gone by and the music industry has once again given us the music video junk food we’ve all been asking for. As much as we hate on all things horrible in the music world, seeing "artists" completely fail at their shot at fortune and fame is often pretty entertaining.
10. Mariah Carey – “Obsessed”
This list would not be complete without a trainwreck by one of the world’s most untalented directors. With “Obsessed,” Brett Ratner makes Mariah Carey dress up as a scary dude and sing the smash pop single "Obsessed" while stalking herself around New York City.
First off, no one can overstylize like Ratner. He just seems to do outlandish s*** just so he can waste the money. Mariah’s performance as a dude is also extremely awkward, if not downright ridiculous. Mariah trying to act macho is like the equivalent of Paris Hilton’s music career. It will never be taken seriously. Ratner did direct the awesome "Triumph" video for Wu-Tang, but that doesn’t give him the right to glue man-stubble on Mariah Carey’s face and hide her boobs away from the world.
Mr. Ratner also made the worst music videos list last year for the Miley Cyrus video "7 Things." Way to go Brett!
9. Jonas Brothers – “Fly With Me”
Who wants to see yet another video of the Jonas Brothers goofing around during one of their gigantic super tours?!
Yet again, the dorky-ass Jonas Brothers do a complete replica of almost every single hair metal music video ever made. The only difference here is that the video for “Fly With Me” is more of a Disney version than classics like “Home Sweet Home” or “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”
I will admit that I listened to some pathetic pop music when I was a kid, but none of it even comes close to sucking as hard as the Jonas Brothers. Can’t parents just step up their game and block their kids from obsessing over this garbage? How did the Jonas boners even survive another year?
Jonas Brothers - Fly With Me - Official Music Video (HQ)
Jonas Brothers | MySpace Music Videos
8. Jay Sean feat. Lil Wayne – “Down”
I still can’t believe that this was one of the biggest and most popular songs of the year. If it took Jay Sean more than a minute to write this song, he’s seriously a total f***ing moron. “Down” has to be very high on the list for having the simplest chorus ever recorded. Why do we love to torture ourselves with this throwaway junk? This is proof that the world is slowly creeping to its 2012 end.
Aside from the music, the video itself is equally bad. I had no idea that a music video could make a song even cheesier, but Jay Sean totally pulled it off with his dorky narcissistic antics. From the random synchronized dance moves during a staged party to Jay Sean’s endless douchey gazes into the camera, this is easily one of the biggest pop s***storms of the year.
Jay Sean - "Down" feat. Lil Wayne - [OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO]
Lil Wayne | Online | MySpace Video
7. Puddle of Mudd - "Spaceship"
Ouch. Just ouch. Watching this video is seriously painful. Really painful. It’s a total mess. I can’t believe that this band actually had the balls to start this video Star Wars-style with the following text: “A long time ago in a galaxy far a wasted I’m basted c’mon yeah.” Are you f***ing kidding me?! Wes Scantlin must have the mind of a child to write lyrics like this.
I’m surprised a band as bad as Puddle of Mudd would even try to stay relevant in this age of the internets. They could have gotten away with this crap back in the TRL days of MTV, but now that everyone on planet earth can finally express their hatred for all things suck, you would think that POM would have taken an endless vacation from the music world and left the interwebs to professional musicians with actual skill. Although it is nice to finally get revenge for all of the Alice In Chains/Pearl Jam knockoffs that rose to fame back in the late-‘90s. I’m really hoping Godsmack will make a comeback so they can top this list next year.
6. Ron Browz – “Jumping Out The Window”
What the hell has happened to the hip-hop/rap genre in the past few years? It somehow went from groundbreaking to straight up bubblegum pop for the masses almost overnight. The overuse of Auto-Tune might be one of the biggest reasons for this sad state of affairs. There have been a lot of really bad Auto-Tuned tracks over the past year, but New York City native Ron Browz truly deserves the top prize in this category.
With “Jumping Out The Window,” producer Ron Browz attempts to take the rap scene by storm with a new club anthem, but fails miserably by unleashing a skin-curdling pop disaster. The only upside are the hot chicks dancing around in skimpy clothes. Besides that, this is so bad that it seems like a parody of the worst Auto-Tune rap video imaginable. This has to be fake, right? Right?