Attila the Hun vs Vlad the Impaler

August 29, 2010

BEGINNING ASSESSMENT: The Warrior that grew the fearsome Hunnic Empire comes to the battle field against Bram Stoker's legendary killing machine, Vlad Draculea Tapes III, better known as Vlad the Impaler! Who would win in Mastermind vs Mastermind?

WEAPONS:

Attila The Hun:

Short Range: Sword of Mars.

Medium Range: Scythian Ax.

Long Range: Hunnic Bow.

Special: Lasso.

Vlad The Impaler:

Short Range: Kilij.

Medium Range: Halberd.

Long Range: Steel Crossbow.

Special: Hand Cannon.

EDGES:

SWORD OF MARS vs KILIJ. EDGE = KILIJ.

No doubt here. I love how legendary the Sword of Mars is, but the Kilij? The Kilij has, what I think is, the greatest slashing weapon. Even Geoff Desmoulin said, "I think that's the first sword to rival the Katana!" How can I possibly set that factor down?

SCYTHIAN AX vs HALBERD. EDGE = HALBERD.

Again, no doubt. The Halberd has a much longer range and can easily slash, hook, stab anything. As Geoff said, "That's options!" and he's right. It is one of the best weapons that kill at a distance.

HUNNIC BOW vs STEEL CROSSBOW. EDGE = HUNNIC BOW.

A fast and manuverable bow & arrow vs a slow and clumsy crossbow? The Hunnic diserves the win because, like the Repeating Crossbow used by Sun Tzu, it's almost a machine gun with fast reload time and can shoot up to ten a minute, almost always a kill, where the Crossbow only shoots two a minute, only one killing.

LASSO vs HAND CANNON. EDGE = HAND CANNON.

Even though the Hand Cannon is slower at shooting then the Steel Crossbow, it is powdered by gun powder which is almost the first gun throughout history (remember the three pole gun and the nest of bees used by the Ming Dynasty). It also is double weapon, a giant clup with a spike. I'm sure that beats a string of rope, ANYDAY!

BATTLE:

A large castle stands over a small forest in Wallachia. Meanwhile, there is a small group of men. Six Hunnic men, to be exact. One of those men, is the legendary mastermind, Attila the Hun. He looks over the forest and castle, seeing thousands of impaled corpses. Instead of being scared, Attila commands his small betalion of men to walk closer. As they do so, they see a small table, two impaled corpses behind it. At the table, they see a man with a crazy headpiece. As they watch the man, they see him dip a slice of bread in a red liquid. Staying unseen, they walk closer. They now identified the liquid and it was something horrifying. Blood. They see the Wallachian man eat the blood-dipped bread. The Huns cringe. Also, seeing better, they see two men, peasant looking, sitting side by side on the bloodied bread eating monster. They watch the men eat a type of meat, making the eaters look like theyr'e crying. One throws the meat down on the ground and screams horribly, "MY FAMILY!" Two guards carry him away, a third guard following with a large wooden log. Attila sees the time to act. He and his group of men start running towards the Wallachian Prince and his chainmail covered guards. They shoot arrows back and forth. Vlad ducks behind the table, making the peasant run away. However, while a guard chased him, he was killed by an arrow to the neck. Attila = 6. Vlad = 5.

The rest of the guards, after impaling the misbehaving peasant, come to help their Prince, one shooting a hand cannon. It perfectly hits a Hun in the heart, killing him in a second. The Hun next to him, runs up to the cannon shooting guard and slashes the weapon itself with the sword of mars. The mans neck is next. An unseen halberd spears the ribcage of the sword wielding Hun. Attila = 4. Vlad = 4.

Vlad comes out of hiding and shoots an arrow at Attila. He was able to dodge it, making Vlad not have time to reload. He pulls out his kilij and jumps off the table, also grabbing another halberd. The ax falls down on a Hun right next to Attila. It kills with a neck blow. Attila breaks the halberd with his own ax. It goes for Vlad's head, ripping it off. Instead it really didn't rip Vlad's head off but his nice headpiece off. Meanwhile, The Wallachian guards are still fighting with the Huns. One of the guards are tied by a lasso, and then decapitated by a scythian ax. Attila = 3. Vlad = 3.

The halberd wielding guard hooks the sword and lasso wielding Hun, making him fall, then is speared. An arrow goes straight through his neck. The hunnic bow Hun is then ambushed by a spike on the hand cannon. The guard runs to help Vlad, but a sword stabs him in the neck accidentaly. Attila = 1. Vlad = 1.

Attila runs away from his Wallachian enemy but Vlad is still in close pursuit. Attila is slown down by climbing a steep hill but was able to stay a longer amount of time away from him. Vlad finaly climbs up the hill, but cannot see his enemy. The forest surrounds him, making Vlad unable to see Attila. But that also means Attila's vision is blurred. An arrow shoots at Vlad but the accuracy was horrible, falling ten feet away from his target. Vlad sees Attila and starts slashing at him. Attila falls over a tree stump, and can't get up. Instead of killing Attila, Vlad slashes off the arms and legs. In minutes, Vlad stands next to his new human trophy, Attila on a Stick. Attila = 0. Vlad = 1.

VLAD THE IMPALER: 604.

KILIJ: 312.

HALBERD: 189.

STEEL CROSSBOW: 38.

HAND CANNON: 65.

ATTILA THE HUN: 396.

SWORD OF MARS: 104.

SCYTHIAN AX: 124.

HUNNIC BOW: 141.

LASSO: 27.

ENDING ASSESMENT: Even though Attila the Hun is a great warrior, Vlad is just too overpowering. I mean, he impaled thousands upon thousands of Turkish warriors and the Ottoman Empire. Also, Vlad already had an advantage with 1,000 years and got three/four better weapons.

BEST PERFORMING WEAPON: The Kilij with owning 312 kills to Attila and his men.

LEAST PERFORMING WEAPON: The Lasso only had 27 kills which wasn't much a threat.

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