There's nothing women love more than a sporadically-employed man with an overwhelming collection of replica NFL jerseys. So, to make sure you've got the most popular uniforms hanging in the undersized closet of your parent's basement, here's a list of the highest selling jerseys this season.
20. Michael Crabtree, San Francisco 49ers – Nothing says “I teach my kid the value of a dollar” like buying him the jersey of a guy who claims to be insulted by a $38 million contract offer despite never working a day in his entire life.
19. Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers – A Packers jersey (otherwise known as the "Wisconsin Tuxedo") actually constitutes formal attire in Green Bay, so expect this to jump even higher during the fall wedding season.
18. Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons – Everyone has to get rid of their Chris Redman jersey at some point, right?
17. Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens – More proof that people born with only one eyebrow can lead healthy, fulfilling lives.
16. Larry Fitzgerald, Arizona Cardinals – Nice to see Arizona fans have jumped right off the Suns’ bandwagon and landed safely on the Cardinals’ one.
15. Jason Witten, Dallas Cowboys – Who honestly walks into a sporting goods store and says “Well, I was just gonna buy a hat, but that Jason Witten jersey is pretty sweet”?
14. LaDanian Tomlinson, San Diego Chargers – Why bother buying it? Just ask L.T. for his. It’s not like he’s using it too much these days.
13. Hines Ward, Pittsburgh Steelers – Because apparently people realized it’s a good rule of thumb to wait 12 years before committing $69 to a jersey, just to make sure a player stays with the team.
12. Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts – There’s a large community of people who like to go to supermarkets and re-enact Peyton Manning commercials.
11. Terrell Owens – In all fairness, the guy signed a one year contract to play for a team he’s already started to destroy from the inside. The T.O. Bills jersey is only available for one year and may be a collectors item by week nine.
10. Eli Manning, New York Giants – Everyone in the Giants’ locker room chipped in to buy Plaxico Burress some Manning jerseys and a carton of cigarettes to buy himself something nice in prison.
9. Adrian Peterson, Minnesota Vikings – Yet his Palestine High School throwback jersey is a surprisingly low seller in Israel.
8. Tom Brady, New England Patriots – For the person who has everything… except the exact same jersey as half the Boston Public School System.
7. Mark Sanchez, New York Jets – Very respectable considering Pete Carroll held a press conference outside the NFL Shop advising people not to buy this jersey.
6. Tony Romo, Dallas Cowboys – Yeah, but how many of these were the pink version that Jessica Simpson made popular?
5. Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers – Nothing increases jersey sales like a post-season sexual assault allegation.
4. Michael Vick, Philadelphia Eagles – The former Leavenworth inmate shattered the jersey sales record for a third string quarterback. (note: Donovan McNabb was nowhere on this list)
3. Troy Polamalu, Pittsburgh Steelers – Injured knee sold separately.
2. Jay Cutler, Chicago Bears – Yet his patented bowl-cut hasn’t quite gotten “Jennifer Aniston in the early years of Friends” popular in the Chicago area.
1. Brett Favre, Minnesota Vikings – Seriously…
Source: Chung Sung-Yun/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images