The Top 10 Worst Fictional Movie Musicians
5. The Brady Bunch
Source: Paramount Pictures
The Brady Bunch Movie totally makes fun of how wholesome and unrealistic The Brady Bunch actually were/are, but this comedic take on the clean cut ‘70s family in no way gives their ungodly music a pass. Regardless if the film was poking fun at all things Brady, it still didn’t stop a record company from releasing a soundtrack with all the "group's" crappy classics on it. Who in the hell really needs to hear “Sunshine Day” again? Even when they’re performing their ear-bleeding hit “Keep On” at the Search For the Stars Contest, the entire audience is in shock at the white bread getting down on stage. They only win the contest because Peter Tork, Micky Dolenz, and Davy Jones were judging the damn thing. F***in' Davy Jones.
Source: United Artists
“All right, people, are you ready to boogie? 'Cause we gonna play some authentic... way-down-in-the-delta blues. So get ready to rock your world!”
Man, I love me some Blueshammer. When I first saw 2001’s Ghost World the scene that stuck out the most for me had to when Blueshammer performed. Not only did everyone in the audience besides Steve Buscemi ignore a real blues musician when he was on stage, they went completely apes*** over a bunch of suburban poseurs claiming to be “picking cotton all day long.” If I had to compare Blueshammer to band that actually exists today, it would have to be Nickelback. Their music isn’t exactly similar, but their lack of authenticity is pretty much identical. Now y’all will have to excuse me, I’m gonna go jam out to some Blueshammer.
3. Josie and The Pussycats
Source: Universal Pictures
First off, any "band" that has Tara Reid in it has to be the worst thing ever.
The late-’90 and early-2000s were a rough time for pop-rock and the tunes created for the Josie and The Pussycats helped cement a large chunk of the genre’s horrifying musical legacy. The Josie and The Pussycats group consists of Rachael Leigh Cook, Tara Reid, and Rosario Dawson. They are hot, but are by no means musicians. Song like “Pretend To Be Nice” and “Spin Around” are just plain laughable. They’re like Blink-182 songs, but even worse. I didn’t even know that was possible until I heard some of these studio trainwrecks. Thanks, ladies.
2. Wyld Stallyns
Source: Nelson Entertainment/Orion Pictures
For a band that supposedly saved the entire planet with their music, the Wyld Stallyns kinda blew the big one. And don’t you dare say that “God Gave Rock 'n' Roll to You II” is an amazing song. That’s just your sentimentality talking. It’s KISS, people. If it’s anything, it’s just plain okay and nothing more. How in the hell can you respect a song from a man like Gene Simmons? You might as well just burn your money instead of giving it to that no-talent businessman.
As told at the end of Excellent Adventure, in the near future, the music of the Wyld Stallyns becomes the foundation of our entire society. And I quote: “Wyld Stallyns' music eventually will help put an end to war and poverty. It will align the planets and bring them into universal harmony.” No Way?! Rufus promises us that they do get better, but we really never see them hit their hyped heights in the first film. Bill & Ted do practice a little bit, but it seriously sounds like a bunch of monkeys making guitar noises with their buttholes. Viewers get a taste of the Stallyns at the end of Bogus Journey, but they are in no way life-changing jams. For how amazing these two airheads are supposed to be based on the storyline, I just can’t believe that the makers of Bogus Journey tried to pass off KISS’ music as the greatest in the entire universe.
George Carlin RIP.
1. Hannah Montana
Source: JEWEL SAMAD Getty Images
I don’t really find it necessary to go into deep explanation of why Hannah Montana is the worst thing ever.
I’m sure a few of you die-hard fans out there might be trippin’ a bit about why HM made it on a list of fictional artists. Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus are the same person in the movie and TV show, but either way you slice it, Hannah Montana is a fictional character. She’s also just as horrible as Miley and that’s why she made it to the number one spot. Her music from Hannah Montana: The Movie is bubblegum garbage and it, along with Justin Bieber and The Jonas Brothers, has helped distract the youth from legitimate musicians with real talent.