The Top 10 Signs You're Whipped
5. She Makes You Watch Dancing With the Stars, American Idol and Glee Even When the Game’s On
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Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, and Glee are not television shows made for men. No siree! The lady-controller will make you watch such shows by saying you don’t spend enough quality time together. You’ll go along with it because, let’s face it, fighting it is way more effort that sitting down and watching some sequins and showtunes. Soon enough you’ll get sucked into such shows and when your buddies invite you over to watch the big game, you’ll be that guy who says no, it’s the Dancing With the Stars finale.
4. She Always Makes You Pay
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Paying for the first few dates is the chivalrous and correct thing to do. If, however, you’ve been dating for over six months and she still hasn’t offered to pay for anything, then it’s a problem. If you’re so enamored with this girl and you haven’t even noticed that you’re the one who’s always forking out the moolah, then you have been cast under the spell of a woman’s crotch.
3. You No Longer Have Any Friends
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If you wake up one day and realize you no longer have any friends, then there’s a good chance you’re whipped. The whipper will suck you dry of any spare time. They will ensure you spend every waking hour with them. This is great, at first. But over time you’ll start to alienate your friends. You will become way less available (or not available at all) and you’ll soon find yourself constantly saying “no” to any invitation. Soon enough the invitations will dry up and your friends will move on.
If, heaven forbid, your relationship ends and you need a friend’s shoulder to cry on, it won’t be there. The whipper knows this. They don’t want you to have friends, because they know then that you’re less likely to leave them.
2. You Have to Consult With Her Whenever Making Plans or a Decision
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No matter the invite or activity, the whipped male homosapien must first confer with his other half to get permission to make seemingly banal decisions. This might be to check if he’s available to attend a boys night out (shouldn’t he know, it’s his schedule) or to grow an ironic mustache to raise money for charity (again, isn’t it his face?). Since when does a dude have to consult someone else to do something? It actually goes against the man-handbook. Do you think Dirty Harry had to check in with a gal to be a badass? Did Thomas Edison get “permission” to make the light bulb? No!
1. You Have to Constantly Check in With Her
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Every office has that guy who has to constantly call his significant other to “check in.” This is the dude who’s despondent and given up on life. Such a conversation usually starts with, “I’m just checking in.” This is one of the ultimate signs you’re whipped. Such calls mean your girl has you on a short leash. She doesn’t trust you and wants to know everything you’re up to, even if it’s just typing up a report for Kelly in accounts. She wants to make sure she’s constantly in your thoughts.
If you’re calling your lady and it feels like a chore then you’re whipped. If you don’t call and she gets pissed, then you’re whipped. If you call just for the sake of calling and having absolutely nothing to say, then you’re whipped. Seriously, can’t it wait until you guys actually see each other? Will the world really explode if you don’t have your hourly check-in phone call? No. Will your relationship ultimately be better without it? Yes.