Roy Nelson Beats Kimbo, Eats Burgers

October 1, 2009

Hello, everyone. Let me tell you about this week. The show starts off with Kimbo trying to be a philosopher, and reflecting on the challenges in his life, and how his enemy is really the “inner me.”

We can all relate to that because we all have inner demons; some more then others. This week we have Kimbo cramming for his fight with me--the same thing he has been doing since he began MMA. Make no mistake, Kimbo has beaten some who’s who in MMA including a guy who knocked Tim Sylvia out cold (Ray Mercer). So his game plan for this fight was simple: to stop me from doing what I want to do, which should be simple enough since I am the official guy who sucks in MMA. I am the official suck meter for the UFC (ed. note: I think Roy is saying that he’s underrated, but your guess is as good as mine). 
For most of the episode they have Kimbo foreshadowing his loss, which came by way of my belly. No one can mimic me and my movement. It’s hard to mimic a guy who is fat and out of shape and just plain sucks, so I could see how the coaches would find this difficult. They should have asked my coaches. What I mean is simply that my coaches know what they are talking about, we heard them last week. They know what is best.
Now back to me training, which really was TV magic because they have me training my a** off, but really I was sitting over in the corner eating my favorite fast food, and UFC's sponsor, Burger King. They have the best cheeseburger in their double Whopper with cheese, no pickle. Training for Kimbo was hard, because my coaches couldn’t find anyone on the team to mimic him and his beard, so I was back to square one. That is why I came up with my simple plan for three fights in six weeks -win and take no damage. Dana White has been preaching this to the fighters for years. I just like to do what I am told. So I came up with my plan next to the pool the day before to win via crucifix. I was actually shocked that I pulled that out of my butt, since I am just a fat guy. Wait a minute, I Babe Ruth-ed this fight. I simply called my shot and made it happen. Sometimes I surprise myself.

After the fight was over I realized that Burger King was a sponsor and everyone in the house wanted me to see if I could get Burger King as a celebratory dinner after my win. That is why I said my Burger King comment, besides they have good food. I also want to address Dana and his eight-year-old daughter because she going to be the next UFC Champion. Now it’s back to the drawing board for Rampage and his team. 
Kimbo and Rampage will strategize on how Kimbo can make his return to the Octagon. Does he have someone play sick, or do I have heart attack from climbing the stairs and Kimbo replaces me? Stay tuned to next week's show and see how it all plays out.
Come watch The Ultimate Fighter with me at the Badda Bing in Las Vegas, every Wednesday. Meet me at 8:00 PM and we’ll watch at 9:00 PM.

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Source: UFC