The Top 10 Video Game Vixens
5. Lara Croft
Lara has been around for over a decade now, but I’ll be damned if she isn’t looking better and better. She must do pilates. In addition to having a super-fox bod, she's got brains to match. Nothing gets my virtual libido spinning at 10,000 RPMs faster than dirty talk in a Cambridge accent.
Why she’d screw like a tiger: Lara is a take-charge kind of gal with a mastery of gymnastics and a broad knowledge of knots. Remember to designate a safe word.
4. Chun Li
She’s an undercover agent for the International Criminal Police Organization (Interpol) and enters the Street Fighter tournament in order to reach the sadistic warlord at its top, M. Bison. In other news, her muscular thighs can squeeze the injustice out of any situation.
Why she’d screw like a tiger: Chun Li can spin around like an upside-down helicopter while doing the splits in the air. Also, her feet turn into blue lightning when that happens.
A Dhampir is, according to the folklore of the Balkan region (which is usually pretty spot on), the child of a vampiric father and a human mother. It’s kind of like Wesley Snipes in Blade. Lucky for you, instead of a set of balls Rayne has a giant set of perfectly-formed sweater kittens. That worked out well. Also, you’ll be safe from vampires (a constant concern) as she is a huntress.
Why she’d screw like a tiger: Rayne has super human strength and animal instincts. It could be dangerous to bed this VGVILF as she may, literally, fuck like a tiger and kill you. It’s up to you to decide if dying in a fountain of blood and ecstasy is the way you want to go.
Nariko is 23 years old – at her physical peak – a digital ass you could bounce a piece of World of Warcraft gold off of. And she’s a redhead, which means she’s got a fiery temper. According to her wiki, “…the clan [had] come to shun her, and even go so far as to blame their misfortunes on her. Despite the loneliness and resentment felt…” she totally would do you.
Why she’d screw like a tiger: Nariko has a lot of angst, especially regarding her father and her social status because of him. A lot of that angst, based on my high school psych class, will be taken out on your reproductive organs in a orgiastic frenzy.
Samus Aran, the spinning starlet of Metroid Prime, is a foxy broad that conceals her curves inside a weapon of death and destruction. That is, until you beat the game. Then the destruction is focused on your button-fly jeans which explode in a VGVILF-induced boner.
Why she’d screw like a tiger: She can bend herself into a perfect sphere and spin through the air. She also looks like she's got a pretty good personality.
Honorable Mention - Cortana
Poor Cortana. Every bone in my body wanted me to put her on the official list. One man in fact, made a pretty turgid argument for her inclusion. However, when push comes to shove, she is too imaginary. She's a video game image of a hologram. At least the other girls are real in-game. Sorry, big C. Thanks to Reiq and IU4 for the hotness.