Blackbeard the Pirate vs Vlad the Impaler

October 2, 2010

Beginning Assessment: The Spanish Pirate leader that scared the entire world that stopped at nothing, Blackbeard, comes to a fearsome battle with the face of Dracula and Vampires, Vlad Draculea!


Short Range: Cutlass Sword.

Medium Range: Boarding Axe.

Long Range: Flintlock Pistol.

Special: Blunderbuss.


Short Range: Kilij Sword.

Medium Range: Halberd.

Long Range: Steel Crossbow.

Special: Hand Cannon.


Cutlass vs Kilij. Edge = Kilij.

The Cutlass was able to cut through an entire pig/human, but the Kilij is unstoppable, it could probably even slash through chainmail, which Vlad has on, and Blackbeard only has a leather jacket and a shirt. So I'm sure the Kilij wins here.

Boarding Axe vs Halberd. Edge = Halberd.

The Halberd wins due to having longer range, an axe, a spear, and a hook. This will defanitaley win the edge from the two - three foot long axe, even if it does have a crushing side on the handle. (Yes, Boarding Axes had a clubbing side on it, too)

Flintlock vs Crossbow. Edge = Flintlock.

Even though the Crossbow is reloadable, it is very slow, and even though the pistol isn't as upgraded as today's pistols, only shooting one bullet, a Pirate will commonly have six pistols in his pocket or bag.

Blunderbuss vs Cannon. Edge = Even.

Both have complete killing power. The Cannon can shoot and be used as a spiked club. The Blunderbuss might not be able to be used as a club, but when it shoots, it blasts multible items, kinda like shrapnel. I call these two early guns pretty even.


A Spanish Pirate ship comes up to an unfamiliar place in Europe, and Blackbeard comes off the ship. His first mate and other men want to come along, but he says, "No, I'm going alone. I will find treasure and return with a victory," and he pulls up his blunderbuss, "with a kill, if possible." "No way boss," said the first mate, "we've never been here before and we might run into trouble, I've heard weird stories of an empire called Auto... no, Ottoman, and they're pretty good at what they do. Kill. We're coming with you." Blackbeard eventually agreed and five of his men came along, including the first mate. Little did they know they'll find something much more fearsome then the Ottoman Empire...

As the group of Pirates leave the bay facing the ocean, they walk into a small forest. They eventually see a large castle in a clearing, surrounded by large stakes. They look closer and see that on the stakes are dead corpses of people. They trudge on from the scene and were able to break inside the castle. They soon find themselves in a large room with a chest. The word treasure came to the Pirates' minds, and when they opened it, they saw a weirdly curved sword. One picks it up, and swings it around. "Nice sword; boss, we need this. It's great at slashing, I can tell-" Before he can finish his sentence a large arrow appeared in his chest, falls down, and dies. Blackbeard = 5. Vlad = 6.

The Pirates turn around and see a man running away with a crossbow. He stops and tries to reload his crossbow by holding his foot on it, but Blackbeard rose his blunderbuss, and shot him in the back, with multiple shards riddling him. The Pirates leave the chest, and run back outside into the Forest of the Impaled. They start seeing more people, and as they run toward their ship, another one of the Pirates are shot. He dies, but the ammunition wasn't an arrow, it was an actual bullet. They see another man holding what looks like a large club with a spike and a gun barrel on it. He tries to club another pirate, but he took out his axe just in time to stop the spike, flipped it, made the man drop his weapon to the ground, and the end impaled the heart of the man, tearing through his chainmail armor. Blackbeard = 4. Vlad = 4.

As the Pirates see more men running toward them, the first mate cries, "Oh god, it's Vlad the Impaler! He is much worse then the Ottoman!" Blackbeard pulls out his cutlass, and starts battling the same sword they found inside the castle, the kilij, operated by Vlad himself. He sees Vlad's men battling his men, bullets, and arrows, axes, and swords, going everywhere. He sees another one of his men go down from an attack of an axe. Or spear. Or hooked weapon. The man with the triple weapon, tries to stab Blackbeard from behind, but he is shot by his first mate's flintlock. Blackbeard = 3. Vlad = 3.

Vlad tries to decapitate Blackbeard, but he quickly ducked, and swung his cutlass at the leg of Vlad, but the wound wasn't as deep as planned, only gashing. Vlad limped back, and reached for his dead man's halberd. He gets it, but when he pulls it up, the cutlass is swung again and cuts the weapon in half. Meanwhile, the first mate meets up with another Pirate and attacks a man of Vlad's. They kill him, too slow to swing his hand cannon. The Pirates move on too the last man of Vlad's but he was able to kill one with a shot from his steel crossbow, and he dropped it to pull out a kilij, and both went into a sword fight but both of them were able to decapitate the other. Blackbeard = 1. Vlad = 1.

Both Vlad and Blackbeard went into their deathmatch slashing their swords more and more. Blackbeard grabs his axe inside his bag and tries to hit the neck of Vlad with the clubbing handle, but the kilij rose up and broke it in half. Blackbeard pulls back his hand revealing a horrible slash on it. It didn't amputate it, but was just a bloody graze. Blackbeard ran away to his decapitated first mate, picks something up out of his bag, and when Vlad is about to slash the Pirates' spine in half, he rolls away, gets up, and shoots a blunderbuss. Nothing happened. Vlad gives a confused look, cracks a grin, and then pulls up his kilij again. He tries to slash the shoulder of Blackbeard, but the cutlass came up, and they locked the swords together, the handles stuck. They decide to drop their weapons, and then Blackbeard tackles Vlad but quickly turns around. Eventually, Blackbeard got in the right position and shot his blunderbuss again. This time it shot, and killed Vlad. The Pirate jumped up, and roared in victory. He got on his ship and sailed away. Blackbeard = 1. Vlad = 0.

Blackbeard: 537.

Cutlass: 142.

Boarding Axe: 71.

Flintlock Pistol: 177.

Blunderbuss: 147.

Vlad: 463.

Kilij: 160.

Halberd: 141.

Steel Crossbow: 45. 

Hand Cannon: 117.

Ending Assessment: Though this was close, Blackbeard won because of his better long range guns, the Flintlock and the Blunderbuss. Vlad was only better in closer ranges with his Kilij and Halberd.

Best Weapon: The Flintlock Pistol shot and killed Vlad 177 times.

Worst Weapon: The Steel Crossbow only was able to shoot and kill 45 times.