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The Top 10 Athletes in Sports Movie History

by davidbreitman   April 28, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 2,140

Despite a relative lack of steroid abuse and very few Bob Barker-related fights, the cinematic world has done a great job producing some memorable athletes over the past few decades. Here's a look at 10 of the best ones to dominate weaker opponents on the silver screen.

Photo: Happy Madison

 

10. Ernie McCracken, Kingpin

Photo: Rysher Entertainment

The 1979 Odor Eaters Bowling Invitational champion is widely regarded as one of the greatest athletes ever to set up a charitable foundation as a means to seduce single mothers with low self-esteem and unlimited access to prescription painkillers.

Perhaps most famous for coining the term "getting Munsoned," McCracken also beat out the shoe clerk at Cleveland’s Pin-o-Rama for the cover boy spot on this year’s "12 Months in the Gutter" erotic calendar. (If only Carson Daly had McCracken’s panache, he wouldn’t have to spend his nights showing the employees at Burger King pictures of Tara Reid saying "Before I turned 57, I totally used to hit that.")

9. Scott Howard/Teen Wolf, Teen Wolf

Photo: Buena Vista Pictures

Not many NBA prospects have the luxury of listing “able to turn into a werewolf” on the skills section of their trading card, but Scott Howard is a celebrated exception. Despite playing on a team filled with pale fat kids who will likely spend their adult lives paying for sex and a 5-foot-8 power forward who refers to himself as “Styles,” Howard was able to lead his high school basketball team to a championship and steal the girlfriend of an opposing player. Had he impregnated her and then used his Twitter account to deny the affair, NBA scouts might have labeled him the most NBA-ready player to emerge from the prep scene since LeBron James–who was highly criticized at St. Vincent-St. Mary’s for being unable to turn himself into a werewolf.)

8. Shooter McGavin, Happy Gilmore

Photo: Happy Madison

The Tiger Woods of cinematic fairways has enjoyed a storybook career filled with fame, beautiful women, and various other benefits that real golfers rarely experience. A precision player in the Jack Nicklaus mold, McGavin’s delightful arrogance and strict diet of feces for breakfast make him a somewhat controversial figure in a sport currently famous for Phil Mickelson’s bountiful bosom and interracial adultery.

7. Willie Beamen, Any Given Sunday

Photo: Warner Bros.

Second only to Kobe Bryant in the “star athletes who humiliated themselves with a failed rap career” rankings, Beamen is an iconic athlete in the Miami community thanks to his brash style and refusal to respect Dennis Quaid.

Beamen entered the league as a third-string quarterback after a monetary violation forced him to leave college early, but thanks to some fortuitous injuries Beamen earned a starting position and cemented himself as one of the premiere quarterbacks of a team that appears to have a serious problem with drugs and LL Cool J’s attitude. (On a side note, the single playoff win the fictitious Miami Sharks post, is actually the most successful postseason run Terrell Owens – who plays a wide receiver that the producers trusted with three lines of dialogue – has ever enjoyed.)

6. Bobby Boucher/ The Waterboy

Photo: Happy Madison

Sure, he filled out his Wonderlic test with a purple crayon and isn’t technically able to spell the word "blitz," but that doesn’t mean that the raw athleticism of South Central Louisiana State’s top linebacking prospect can’t become an NFL superstar. Averaging 17.5 sacks per game, Bobby Boucher is able to penetrate defenses with a spastic rage that makes him the centerpoint of the best Mud Dog defense head coach “The Fonz” has ever seen.

His third grade reading level and inability to execute basic defensive assignments also make him a prime candidate for a Florida State transfer over the offseason. (Something to keep an eye on.)

 

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