History's Top Seven Biggest Dicks
History is rife with gigantic dicks. And we’re not just talking about the type John Holmes was slingin'.
Source: Diana Walker/Getty Images
7. Richard Perle
Source: Cynthia Johnson/Getty Images
Richard Perle set up a company called Trireme Partners LLP. It’s a computer company that specializes in intelligence, and it was set up right before the Bush administration decided to remove Saddam from power in Iraq. The company stood to make millions on helping the U.S. government kill as many Iraqis as they could as efficiently as possible. When investigative journalist Seymour Hersh wrote a story about it for the New Yorker, Perle called him “the closest thing American journalism has to a terrorist.” Not cool. He was also one of the carbuncled hydra heads that is the neocon monster that was the Bush administration and initially suggested the U.S. only send 40,000 troops to overthrow Saddam's regime. We all know how that turned out.
6. Richard Cheney
Source: Jeff Swensen/Getty Images
There’s plenty to dislike about former vice president Dick Cheney, but let’s focus on everybody’s favorite facet of hatred. This dude shot his friend in the face. Man, what a dick. It occurred during a quail hunt on a private ranch in Texas, and although it was officially classified as an “error in judgment,” there is no getting around the fact that he shot his buddy Whittington in the face with a shotgun. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
5. Richard Nixon
Source: Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon is the only U.S. president ever to resign from office. There is no irrefutable evidence that Nixon created an illegal committee to sabotage his Democratic opposition through a series of bribes and burglaries. There is no proof of his wrongdoing on the subpoenaed tapes from the Oval Office that have a mysterious 18-minute deleted gap. There’s also no proof (admissible in the court of law) that I’m the world’s greatest lover, but guess what...everybody knows it’s true.
Richard Reid is the goofy looking bastard pictured above, but you probably know him better as The Shoe Bomber. Shoe-bombing in and of itself is a pretty dick move, but to do it on an airplane and make the rest of us forever shuffle unsanitarily through airport security checks in our bare feet is unforgiveable. Screw you, Richard Reid. I have unseemly foot odor.