In 2009, I made five consecutive shots at the Calgary Stampede basketball shootout booth. Today, after watching LeBron James miss three straight attempts at an Ohio state fair, I have decided to take my talents to South Beach and try out for the Miami Heat.
To be fair, although LeBron James has two NBA MVP trophies on his brand new mantle, I did lead my high school basketball team in scoring before beginning a professional career that has earned me zero NBA championship victories. (An identical resume to King James).
So, go ahead and watch LeBron struggle to impress the carnies, get booed by the locals, and brick a trio of awful free throw attempts. Then think to yourself, “Could a scrappy Canadian with one bad knee and a lifetime ban at the Santa Monica YMCA do much worse?”
Reserve your David Breitman Miami Heat jersey now!