Man Who Slept with Paris Hilton Calls a Poor Soccer Performance His Deepest Shame

July 1, 2010

Cristiano Ronaldo's extremely poor showing at the 2010 World Cup has drawn tremendous criticism from soccer pundits around the world. His depressing post-tournament interview, however, received two melodramatic "thumbs up" from the emo hipster community.

"I feel a broken man, completely disconsolate, frustrated, and an unimaginable sadness," the 25-year-old winger told the BBC after presumably writing suicidal thoughts in his dream journal.

Shortly after blaming his coach for Portugal’s early tournament exit, Ronaldo explained that he takes full responsibility for his poor play. "I am a human being and like any human being I suffer and I have the right to suffer alone. I know that I am the captain, and I have always assumed and will assume my responsibilities,” he explained.

This guy must be a real hit at parties.

Photo: Carl De Souza/AFP/Getty Images