Sometimes a Vicious Stick to the Head is Better than a Pat on the Back

December 1, 2009

Apparently the NHL is a lot like prison. Filled with violence, communal showers, tons of foreigners, and the ominous necessity of having to watch your back at all times. Just ask Florida Panthers goalie Tomas Vokoun, who nearly got decapitated by his own teammate (presumably for butting in line at the cafeteria).

Nine minutes into a heated rivalry game between two NHL teams that play in Atlanta and Miami, Thrashers star forward Ilya Kovalchuk put the Panthers down 1-0  (which in hockey is almost impossible to come back from) after scoring on a rebound that seems to seriously anger Florida defenseman Keith Ballard.

So, Ballard showed what prison/NHL justice looks like by savagely knocking his goaltender nearly unconscious with a violent slash to the face. Needless to say, Vokoun will think twice about letting his teammate down again while recovering in the infirmary.


(And yes, I realize the irony in comparing the one professional sport that doesn’t list “Felonies Committed” on the back of their player cards to the American Penal System. I'm Canadian, love hockey, and rarely assault my own teammates in the Burbank Adult Hockey League.)