The Top 7 Gadgets for the Bedroom
Gadgets aren't just for programmers' desktops any more. They're being erected in all sorts of chic positions these days. They're getting sleeker and more attractive, often, they're ergonomic. They conform to, fit around, and generally stimulate your body in a lovely, lovely way. Now that you're appropriately titillated, here are our picks for the best gadgets for your bedroom...
7. OhMiBod iPhone Adapter
OhMiBod is a naughty, naughty little device that attaches what I have dubbed a Muff Woofer to your iPod. Whatever is playing, then, sends its bass signal to the, *ahem, carrot-shaped device which then vibrates accordingly. OhMiBod is better than a mix CD. Wait. The best would be a bass-heavy playlist played on the OhMiBod. You’re welcome, anonymous girlfriend. You and your ladyparts are very, very welcome.
6. Vibrating Panties
I saw that you get a deal if you buy two pair of vibrating panties at the same time. This catalyzed the following list of reasons (in my head) why one might need to have two pair. A) Sexy lesbian couple wants to bond. B) Users tend to wear them out in less time than it takes to ship a new pair. C) They’re not washer-safe. Also: the pictures says “Click to Enlarge.” Indeed.
5. The Rubbot
The Rubbot doesn’t actually look very sexy. It doesn’t even look like it would feel sexy. It kind of looks as if it would feel like being cock-punched over and over again. However, it is just a prototype, and it appears to be good for teasing dogs and shaking beer (both fun). Or, maybe you like it way, way too rough.
4. Solar-Powered Lingerie
Eco lingerie is especially effective for getting liberal arts girls all hot and bothered. "Hey, baby, if you put this on for a year you'll save enough power to run a water filter in Somalia for 9 minutes." The shade of the lace is appropriately green. Down the front, as you can see, is a slimming, solar panel that simultaneously trims your midlines and harvests energy from the scorching heat of the Sun. Also, there are two reusable drinking cups attached to the…cups. Which is handy and disturbing like a carpenter/leper.
3. Peek-a-Boo Stripper Pole Kit
The stripper pole kit is really a no-lose situation for you. Whether you’re in a committed relationship and trying to spice things up (big win) or a swinging bachelor (win in and of itself) there are myriad benefits to be reaped. Have you ever seen the strange and polar power of the stripper pole on women? It makes them accidentally make out.
2. Liquid Virgin
Liquid virgin isn't a water sprite. It's a dubious mystery liquid which acts "Similar to the age-old China Shrink cream" which does nothing to allay my quivering fear of it. That being said, it's only 7 bucks which is cheaper than the alternative. And the Chinese have invented at least three of my top ten favorite things (fireworks, Chinese buffets, and karate). You only have the one life, but maybe the same doesn't have to go for your cherry.
1. Oral Sex Light
The oral sex light is for the curious and/or near sited oral explorer. It comes with batteries included(!) so you can get right to the uncomfortably visible sex act you wish to commit on your probably equally uncomfortable partner. And it's available for just 14 dollars!