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The Top 10 Movie Heroes Who Did More Harm than Good

by nathanbloch   February 02, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 3,004

Everybody roots for the hero. You know, the main character of the movie who you want to kill the bad guy, save the day, and get the girl. But sometimes, after all the carnage and destruction and good times have been had, you can’t help but look out onto the world he’s changed and think the world would be a better place if he hadn’t screwed everything up.

Source: Universal Pictures

10.  Benjamin Braddock in The Graduate


Source: MGM

Ben is your typical twentysomething college grad: bored, horny, and disrespectful of every form of authority that exists. Some people his age during the ‘60s served their country in ‘Nam. Ben? He banged his father’s business partner’s wife. And then his wife’s daughter. Nice. If Ben had pulled these stunts in this day and age, we would not label him a hero. We would label him a douchebag.

What adds insult to injury is the fact that once Ben has done all his damage (which is not inconsiderable: he breaks up Mr. and Mrs. Robinson’s marriage, he breaks up Elaine’s marriage to Carl, he ends his father’s law practice, he perversely destroys the relationship between Elaine and her mother, and, perhaps worst of all, he ruins the car his father gave him as a graduation present, a slick, red 1966 Alfa Romeo Spider) he doesn’t even seem all that happy with the beautiful girl whose life he just messed up. This guy is your classic So-Cal spoiled brat. Nothing is ever enough. I’m sure their relationship turned out awesome.


9. Gary and Wyatt in Weird Science


Source: Universal Pictures

These guys are probably guilty of more felonies than Jack Abramoff, but that didn’t keep either of them from getting really cute girlfriends by the end of the movie. To begin with, they hack into a government computer which by itself should’ve put them behind bars for the rest of their pubescence. Worse than this, they leap-frog over all the political, ethical, and religious issues that surround cloning and proceed to make a woman out of nothing other than technology and their perverse imaginations.

It also doesn’t help that, in doing so, they have effectively reversed the Emancipation Proclamation and manufactured themselves a slave. A sex slave, no less. These guys basically open Pandora’s Box and usher in pure evil to their otherwise sedate suburb, as well as transform Wyatt’s brother Chet, more or less a clean-cut guy, into a monstrous concoction of puss and s***. What was a funny, magical prank for them and their she-devil will be for Chet a lifetime of psychotherapy, beta blockers, and electroshock therapy.

Way to go, a-holes. I hope tearing apart the fabric of space and time was worth it just to get a couple of shallow, mean-spirited girls to like you.


8. Edward in Edward Scissorhands


Source: 20th Century Fox

We get so caught up in Edward’s tragic family history that we forget some very hard facts about Mr. Scratchy-Sad Face: at the end of this film Edward murders a high school student with his bare hands. Yes, his bare hands are lethal blades – isn’t this more reason to put the guy behind bars, not less? How does this guy get a pass? Last time I checked, living in a castle, and inspiring Winona Ryder to fall in love with you despite your horrific deformity does not win you a get-out-of maximum-security-prison card. It's hard to believe Ryder’s character is regaling her grandchild with that story. “Gather round, children, I want to tell you about the boy I once knew who destroyed my parents’ house and stabbed my boyfriend to death and got off scot-free…”

Now that’s romance.


7. Chief Brody in Jaws


Source: Universal Pictures

Few movie protagonists have done quite as much damage to marine wildlife and the ecosystem in general as Chief Brody did in Jaws. Sharks have been hunted mercilessly since the film’s release in 1975, and most people see the toothy face of evil when they see a shark. Thanks, Spielberg, for promoting the interests of loveable extraterrestrials while inspiring the ruthless predation and sport-killing of one of the oldest and most ecologically important creatures of planet Earth. Remember that planet? The one that actually exists?

So what did Chief Brody teach us about marine biology? He taught us that when a bunch of stupid teenagers get what’s coming to them from nature’s garbage disposal, the appropriate response is to blow these innocent animals into tiny little pieces. As of right now great white sharks are an endangered species. Here’s hoping Spielberg doesn’t make any movies about dolphins. They have enough problems as it is.


6. John Rambo in First Blood


Source: Universal Pictures

Some people call John Rambo a hero. I, on the other hand, have another name for him: cop killer. The guy suffers from serious post traumatic stress, but that doesn’t really give him the right to play…well, Rambo, in the middle of the woods. You really have to weigh the good he did for his country in ‘Nam versus all the lives he maimed and ended in First Blood. At the end of the day, whatever he did or did not accomplish in suppressing communism in southeast Asia probably wasn’t worth the property damage and tragedy that he caused in the Pacific Northwest.


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