10 Things from Super Mario Bros. (and their Real Life Counterparts)
Why has Mario stomped so permanent a place in the pantheon of classic video game characters? It’s because his fantastic world is a welcome reprieve from the monotony of most of our humdrum, cubical enclosed day-to-days. It’s fun to get high on star power and run around with Princess Peach. Who wouldn’t want to do that in real life?! Well, if you DID want to do it in real life, I’m here to tell you how. Here are 10 things from the Mushroom Kingdom that are totally here in real life.
Super Mario Cape - French Jet Pack
The cape is an item from Super Mario World for SNES. It’s a simple powerup – a cape magically bound about your neck when you absorb what appears to be an eagle feather. Little did you know such majestic flights of fancy were possible in real life with Yves Rossy’s human-sized flying wing. Though, the addictive bouncing of the cape glide is slightly more lethal in Rossy's metal-full-of-jet-fuel version.
9. Mushrooms - Psilocybin (Hallucinogenic) Mushrooms
The mushroom (alternately known as the super mushroom) changes Mario into a giant; giving him super-human powers and allowing him to sustain much more damage than Mario when he’s not on mushrooms. He is not invincible, but he is certainly enhanced. Mushrooms effects include: “increase of pulse rate, numbness of the mouth and adjacent features [numb heads are best for brick breaking], nausea, elevated blood pressure [increased jumpiness], weakness in the limbs making locomotion difficult, muscle relaxation, yawning, swollen features [duh] and pupil dilation." Sounds about right.
8. Thwomp – Iranian President Mahmud Ahmadinejad
Ahmadinejad is the sixth and current president of the Islamic Republic of Iran, and one angry, stony-looking mother. Without using the delicate scalpel of reason, he prefers to stomp loudly and crazily about (denying the existence of the Holocaust and homosexuality) wielding his scary face and political girth as his primary offensive weapon and/or nuclear deterrent. Plus, his head is totally the shape of a thwomp.
7. Fire Flower - Homemade Flame Thrower
The Fire Flower has some of the effects of the above mushroom, but with the notable additional effect of being able to spontaneously hurl fire from your body, engulfing your enemies in fiery doom. Though less spontaneous (and without so nifty a change of clothes) the homemade flamethrower made out of old scuba tanks (for the psi) will get burnin’ what needs to be burnt.
6. Princess Peach - The Girls Next Door
Princess Peach is captive and demure, blonde and big-breasted*. She is lorded over by a king-like dinosaur of a master, a man so powerful he commands entire legions of sleezy monsters. His name is Hugh Hefner Bowser, and he’ll be damned if some little upstart like Mario is going to get into his grotto and pluck his Peach.
*in my head