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The Top 10 Most Rare and Expensive Video Games that Totally Suck

by DannyGallagher   July 06, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 4,262

5. Caltron 6 in 1 for the NES

Source: RarityGuide.com

Here's another subpar title that attempts to give the viewer six times the value, but ends up giving them six times the headache from playing it.

This unlicensed title contained six games that were clones of far superior titles but with different characters. They included a cutesy Balloon Fight ripoff re-titled Adam and Eve, a bland sidescroller with an Arabian theme called Magic Carpet 1001, and a full-on Buster Bros. copy called Balloon Monster. So instead of ripping themselves off the way Action 52 did, they decided that other titles outside of their jurisdiction deserved to suffer just as much.

Despite the very low quality of the games it had to offer, an intact copy is available for just under $1,000. A shoulder to cry on for realizing you wasted three months of car payments for a low point in video game history not included.


4. Super 3D Noah's Ark for the SNES

Source: Nintendo

The only thing worse than a game that attempts to rip off other games is one that completely rips off a great game...and only offers you that one game.

Wisdom Tree, a thankfully short-lived video game company that attempted to make Christian-themed video games for children of very uncool parents, actually made a first person shooter out of the story of Noah's Ark. They took the engine surrounding the classic Wolfenstein 3D and gave it a cutesy animal twist complete with a slingshot that shoots fruit instead of a high caliber mini-gun, and hungry animals instead of bloodthirsty Nazis. It's the digital equivalent of making Duke Nukem a Mary Kay rep.

A virgin copy of this ungodly game goes for $129. That may not sound like much, but when you realize that you're getting a crucified version of the holy son of first person shooters, it's a worse deal than the one Jesus got from Pontius Pilate.


3. Stadium Events for the NES

Source: Nintendo

Full motion controllers might sound like a relatively new innovation for video games, but it's not. In fact, game companies have tried and failed to make non-button-based gaming part of their new innovations. The only thing the Power Glove did well was letting you use it for giving your TV the finger when it didn't work.

Running games became popular about midway through the NES' reign and an offshoot of the famed "Power Pad" featured this rare title that included 10 track and field competitions including running and hurdling. All of these became a bore when the "Family Fitness Pad" didn't work and the player realized he could do all of these events outside and get a less bulbous ass while doing them.

However, a copy of the game can net its fluffy owner anywhere from $3,000 to $40,000, all of which can be used to hire a trainer to do their exercises for them while they eat Cheetos and watch Let's Make a Deal in their bathrobe. 


2. Spider Maze for the Atari 2600

Source: Atari

Some games just plain suck. There is no rhyme or reason for their goal, their purpose, or even their very existence. They just suck and that's that (Pulitzer Prize, here I come!).

Spider Maze is one of these sucky games. It features a rather poorly stereotyped hero named "Spaghettio" (does he have a brother named "Beefaroni"?) who for some reason is battling a giant arachnid that shoots his evil spawn and diamonds at him to prevent him from reaching the top level. The obstacles flash and jump around the screen at light speed, making the gameplay just above "impossible."

And yet, a mint condition copy of this crappy cartridge challenge can net its owner an easy $1,000.

1. Air Raid for the Atari 2600

Source: Atari

The rarity of a game may increase its value, but its quality doesn't age like fine wine. It fact, it ages about as well as a bottle of Thunderbird in the back seat of your college roommate's Chevy Nova.

This extremely rare game not only disappoints as a poorly executed Missile Command meets Space Invaders ripoff, but it comes with the most astronomical price tag for anything ever bought or sold since a lonely Trekker sold his firstborn son into slavery for one of William Shatner's used Kleenexes.

A man sold a mint condition copy of this very rare cartridge for more than $31,000.  With that kind of money, you could buy every copy of the new Bionic Commando remake, burn them into a giant bonfire, and send the ashes into the sun's orbit in a rocket built by the Russian Space Agency.

Did I mention how much I hate the new Bionic Commando? I should bury mine in a time capsule and use the millions I net in the future from selling it to make sure all remaining copies stay buried.


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