The Top 10 Worst Questions from Your Girlfriend
Your girlfriend's mind is a perpetual motion machine. It is constantly moving, always working and it never stops. It can calculate complex equations, delicate problems and multifaceted situations and questions in a matter of seconds. So to make sure your brain stays on its toes, these are the most common girlfriend questions that should trigger a red alert.
By Danny Gallagher
The following article does not represent the opinions of Spike TV or its affiliates.
10. What are you thinking about?
You could take the high road and be honest and admit you are thinking about what it would be like to own a summer cottage in Jennifer Tilly’s cleavage or how much beer you could drink in one sip if you didn’t have to breathe oxygen in order to stay alive. You could also just down right lie and say that you’re thinking about your future together, how much she means to you and other things guys say when they know they are in something deep and stinky. Just don’t feed her a lot of saccharine B.S. about puppies and babies, but don’t give her the keys to the vault either.
9. Where do you see us in the future?
She always complains that you never know what she’s thinking or how to make her happy and now she thinks you can see into the future? We have a hard enough time learning from our past mistakes, so what makes women think we can think that far ahead in the first place? She’s just trying to get a feel for your goals, ambitions and hopes for yourself and maybe even her in the near to distant future, so again don’t pretend you’re Terrell Owens’ P.R. rep and think you can convince her you’re more committed than you are when even T.O.’s P.R. reps can’t even pull off that magic trick.
8. What do you want to do tonight?
This is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, she might be sincere and nice in letting you choose what you want to do even if she knows the answer is yelling at SportsCenter and playing “Find the Rubber Duckie” together in the bathtub. On the other hand, she might be testing you to see if you aren’t a selfish, sexed up pig who always thinks of himself and knows the things she likes. Inevitably what happens is each person goes back and forth asking the same question and responding with “I’m happy with whatever you want to do” about 200 times until you end up compromising and doing what you always do in these situations: break up.
7. Don’t you think our married friends seem so happy?
Now I’m not opposed to the idea of marriage. If you meet someone who you feel is the person you were meant to be with, then you should have every right to stick your foot in that bear trap. But this question doesn’t leave much room for subtlety. If your girlfriend is asking it, she’s most likely asking you why you haven’t put forth the idea of getting married after dating for so long. Frankly, she couldn’t be more blunt with this question if she tied it to a rock and dropped it on your tongue.
6. Does this make me look fat?
Oh sure, you could be a macho alpha male and pretend to your sniveling beer swilling buddies that you actually said, “No, your pants make you look like your butt is trying to plan a prison break from your pants.” But we all know she’d clock you in the head with a car if you actually tried it. She’s worried about her appearance so do her and yourself a favor, pull a Nancy Reagan and just say no. You’ll not only make her feel better but your car insurance, medical costs and mental capacity won’t change an inch.